Book Signing Last Evening

I was one of four featured authors at a book signing event at Bristol Public Library last evening. My mentor, Dawn Leger, (Chimney Crest Writers' Group and Lefora Publishing) gave me a very flattering introduction. I am very grateful for her support and encouragement and nudging me forward in my writing "career" if I may call it that.

I was the first reader. I introduced my reading with the quote on my book jacket, "I'm not sure the world really needs another coming out story, But I feel deeply the need to tell it."

And as evidence for the need to tell my story - I read the article that appears in the link in yesterday's post below about the gay boy beat to death and tortured by his mother and her boyfriend.

Because he will never be able to write his memoir.

Because despite the gains we've made, there are people who still cannot see beyond their own prejudice, hate and misguided religious beliefs.

So, while the week for me has been full of celebrations - Leon's birthday, Leon's and my marriage, and my book debut, we remain cognizant of the fact that so many others have so little to celebrate.

And that we must do what we can to help move humanity forward.

So many people have asked how I chose the title for my book. I tell them "You'll have to read the book."

But last night I chose the reading that revealed where the title came from - partly because the excerpt revolved around a BYOB Halloween party that I had gone to years ago....

Those in the audience - well about 12 of them - learned the secret and still bought the book, so I am grateful to them.

Buy the book! Link to Amazon on the side bar.

How Can These Things Still Happen?

This story via Wicked Gay Blog and Edge New England is so disturbing. The original story about this boy was in the news some time ago, but the perpetrators are now getting off with a life sentence. Hope prison is miserable and they live long.

Wedding Photos

Just want to share a few more photos from the wedding. OMG I'm such an old man getting married, it seems so odd. There were some tears shed here and there, but as you can see we all had fun too.

Andrea DeFrancesco singing "Make You Feel My Love

Having Fun with a Bridal Veil Baseball Cap

My turn

Reception at At Pagliacci's

I Do, I Do, We Did – Finally, After Twenty-Six Years!

Frank Joseph DeFrancesco
and

Leon Jay O’Hart, Jr.

A Celebration of Marriage

Saturday, the Twenty- fifth of October

Two Thousand Fourteen

Frank and Leon, those of us gathered here today are honored to witness and celebrate your commitment to each other in marriage.

As our society still strives to overcome its fear and prejudice we here have grown to recognize the validity and beauty of your love and commitment to one another.

May your love continue to grow sure and strong and true in the days and years of your shared life together.

On Saturday, October 25^th, 2014 in a simple civil ceremony at our home and in front of a small contingent of family and friends, Leon and I said “I do”  - taking one another as our life-long spouses, “to support, honor and cherish through all the circumstances we may face and to never stop celebrating our love.”

We exchanged rings “as a symbol of our love and commitment to one another and of the values we share together.”

Leon’s mom “gave Leon away” and my sister walked me down the aisle too. Four of our dearest friends who we’ve known for all twenty-six of our years together, Joyce and Robin and Ed and Jeff, were “Our Best Persons”.

Guests included Leon’s brother Marty and sister-in-law Debbie, his two sisters Brenda and Lisa, a nephew, Neil and his wife Mehgan and their daughter Ada. On my side was my sister MaryAnn, my brother Mike and his wife Claire, my niece Andrea and my cousin Rose. My nephew Joe had planned to be there but had to be in San Francisco on business.

The officiant was Justice of the Peace, Michelle, who is also a member of Chimney Crest Writers (the group that guided and encouraged me through writing my memoir). She performed a beautiful civil ceremony for us.

The ceremony included two songs by Jeff Krassner that I posted recently, “Strong for You” and I hear the Angels Sing”;  my niece Andrea sang and played guitar accompaniment to “Make You Feel My Love” by Bob Dylan (a song which she chose for the occasion).

"Make You Feel My Love"

When the rain is blowing in your face,

And the whole world is on your case,

I could offer you a warm embrace

To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,

And there is no one there to dry your tears,

I could hold you for a million years

To make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,

But I will never do you wrong.

I've known it from the moment that we met,

No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,

And I'd go crawling down the avenue.

No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do

To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea

And on the highway of regret.

The winds of change are blowing wild and free,

You ain't seen nothing like me yet. 

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.

Nothing that I wouldn't do.

We ended with “Prince Charming” by Romanovsky and Phillips for a little levity, but at that point no one was listening - everyone was coming up with hugs, kisses and congratulations.

“Prince Charming” Romanovsky and Phillips

 I met you on a rainy day

But the sun’s been out since

And I knew from that moment that you were my prince

Funny how life is always a big surprise

I thought the man of my dreams would have blue eyes 

I thought you’d be taller

I thought you’d be rich

I didn’t think you’d be moody

And at times such a bitch

I thought you’d be brilliant

A real Einstein

But you’d rather watch TV than challenge my mind 

I thought you’d be happy

And never complain

But you’re so neurotic

You make me feel sane

I dreamt about you

Did you dream about me?

You wore shinning armor

And you rescued me

Funny how dreams are not always as they seem

My handsome prince turned out to be more of a queen 

You’re not as romantic

As I hoped you be

You never buy flowers

At least not for me 

I thought you’d be athletic

With muscles for days

‘cause it don’t matter

‘cause I love you the same

But don’t fear my darling

‘cause it’s you I adore

And I know you can’t be blamed

If at times you’re a bore….

After the ceremony and we had a celebratory toasting with appetizers provided by Joyce and Robin and my sister-in-law Claire who also brought the Asti Spumante.

Around three o'clock we all went to Pagliacci’s, a local Italian-American restaurant where we had made reservations for a party. The waitstaff, especially Allison, was super and the food was excellent. They were gracious enough to serve our wedding cake (a remarkably good generic cake from Costco) and no Italian wedding celebration would be complete without cookies to take home, so I made 12 dozen of Aunt Margaret’s festive Italian cookies (mine are not so fancy) and my sister and Claire also made delicious cookies. Claire provided favors for all the guests.

After the reception Leon and I were off to a local hotel for one night of relaxation - can't really call it a honeymoon, now can we? - a well needed night of peace and quiet.

All in all, the day went off without a hitch - no I guess that's not accurate as we got hitched - it went off just about perfectly. 

Now I have been hinting in past posts that a celebration was being planned, about ordering flowers, about it being a perfect occasion with all our immediate family being together in one place, about some “gay” love songs and about our love affair with the gold mokume gane rings. (Note: after much back and forth with jewelry stores, real and virtual, we purchased our Sterling Silver wedding bands at Ruby’s in Provincetown back in September – it just seemed fitting and serendipitous the day we rode our bikes into town and stopped in on a whim and saw rings we both liked at a fraction of the price of gold; we realized that our rings are symbolic, not a financial investment)

It seems that only Russ, over at Blue Truck, Red State had a clue, but I tried my best to throw him off.

Planning the event was fun. Choosing music, finding a nice reasonable restaurant, making invitations, programs and announcements, ordering a centerpiece and a corsage for Leon’s mom. The only thing that was work was house cleaning – like only Leon can do, and I try to do. We joked about registering at Neiman Marcus, and compared our plans to George Clooney’s recent extravaganza.

Now this was what I called a simple wedding, though it was slightly more than that.

In our attempt to keep it simple, we didn’t tell too many people, including relatives. You know at my age, anything can happen and I didn't want to jinx us - I could have had a myocardial infarction and ended up in the hospital and the wedding may have been canceled. Yet we had a few people who we spilled the beans to asking us if they could come. People were so excited for us. But we just couldn’t invite others beyond immediate family. For one thing we can’t afford it and for another, the house just isn’t that big.

So many people have been very excited when they find out: everyone we’ve told has reacted with loads of congrats and something like, “It’s about time.” or “We figured you’d do it sooner or later.”

We also kept talking about how weird it felt to be considering “marriage”. Neither of us had any wildest dreams, let alone dreams of getting married to a male partner. Same gender marriage was not even a concept when we were growing up. It was unthinkable when we were young adults. And it was unheard of back when we first met in 1988.

It still requires mostly unfamiliar mental calisthenics to wrap around the idea of marrying, even after 26 years.

But we see it as a way of protecting what we have built over those years. And I’m not talking about money, because we haven’t much of that. Having heard horror stories of partners being denied visitation or the right to make decisions or the right to even claim their partner’s dead body or make funeral arrangements, we both think marriage will offer some protection.

And there is for me, at least, the fact that it is a “political statement”.  The fact is that legally we can be married; the fact that there are so many still who hate us – hate us no matter what our “legal” status; the fact that I want to be “in their face” with it to some degree. I want to flaunt it. I want to be able to say to someone who refuses to discuss with me an issue about Leon’s health insurance or whatever, “I’m his spouse. I’m legally able to speak to you.”

And I want us to be counted in the up-coming census. I want us to be added to the growing numbers of same-gender couples who are courageously “out” and visible and being role models in one way or another, whose visibility has begun to make our relationships a matter-of-fact reality.

And I want all the Ma Beckoff’s in the world to get off Arnold’s back and to know that Leon’s and my relationship is every bit as real, every bit as authentic, every bit as loving, as hers or as any male/female married couple’s. And that same sex couples who lose a spouse feel loss as deeply, as profoundly and as heart-wrenchingly as they do.

Being pronounced spouses feels kind of like Pinocchio being transformed by the fairy - now we are real.

Photos and more to come.

Grow Old Along With Me

Leon gave me this sundial maybe twenty-three years ago, give or take.

It made me teary-eyed back then.

I'm well on my way to growing old along with him, although I have 14 years on him, so I growing a little older along with him than he is, if that makes any sense...you know what I mean.

And of course Mary Chapin Carpenter sang "Grow Old Along With Me" which also makes me teary-eyed. Too bad there isn't a gay version, one without the words "man and wife together" - I would like it  in my playlist if I could find such a version, sung by a male vocalist.

Two branches of one tree..."

Saw this tree today while walking the dog

I hoping the best is yet to be...though there's a good chance the best has already been...but we're going for it anyhow.

Ordered Some Flowers

We rarely buy flowers for ourselves unless they're the outdoor, garden variety. Sometimes I'll get an assorted bunch at the grocery store for a vase.

But some occasions call for a nice center piece and a little festive color.

So we put in an order for an arrangement with our favorites: Bird of Paradise (Leon) and Iris (Frank). Mike, the florist, said he'd fill in with mums and such. Should be nice. We'll pick it up on Friday.

 

A Very Nice Comment and a New Poster

I received some great comments on Facebook (!) from a woman I've known for many years. We both worked in public health during the 1980s, in the early days of HIV/AIDS, doing counseling and HIV testing and education.

Laura has been one of the most supportive allies of the LGBT community in Connecticut. Here is what she said about Did You Ever See A Horse Go By?

Laura Schlesinger Minor 
Just finished reading it. Thank you, Frank for sharing such intimate details of your life to help those of us who didn't have to hide who we are understand what it takes to do it. Having known you for close to a quarter century, I'm so glad to have this book to add depth to knowing what your earlier life was like. The epilogue in particular is very moving.

Like

A Lost Musician

Back in the 90s I purchased a CD, maybe it was at a Pride Festival or some such gathering, and I only listened to it superficially. The album, "Strong For You" is by a gay singer/musician named Jeff Krassner.

I recently listened to it again and found several songs on the album that I really like - deeply touching love songs celebrating loving gay relationships.

Searching the net for Jeff Krassner returns very little content. It seems that he had a very difficult time getting a label to promote his music, started his own record company to produce his albums but fell short on marketing or exposure or finding a large enough audience. He has virtually disappeared from the music scene and there are no YouTube videos of songs on this album.

(My search brought up an interesting web site however - Queer Music Heritage and there is a playlist with two of Jeff Krassner's songs. You can actually click on each playlist and hear the music.

The album is available on Amazon, and used CDs go for one cent plus $3.99 shipping.

Unfortunately blogger does not provide an easy way to embed audio files and even if I were to make a video file for the audio and upload it to YouTube, I would probably be in violation of some copyright regulation which I think is stupid because I would not be making any money, but actually be providing free advertising. Oh, well, I might do it anyway...

The two songs I would post if I could are the title song "Strong for You" and the very sentimental "I Hear the Angels Sing" which you can hear in very short clips HERE.

At the risk of being a criminal, I will post the lyrics for you. Tell me what you think:

“Strong For You”  Jeff Krassner

When the blues come cavin’ in

and you lost your way again

I will be strong for you

When the rain comes pouring down

and shelter’s no where to be found

I will be strong for you

Let my love provide a fortress for your soul

A haven in the chaos

That’s raging out of control

When the things that people say

Make you hide our love away

I will be strong for you

When the lies consume you whole

And you feel you just can’t go on

I will be strong for you

I cannot be shaken

No, no, I will not be moved

Though the winds of change are shifting

I’m steady win or lose

And when you’re feelin’ weary

I will hold you up

Just fall into my lovin’ arms

Close your eyes and trust

I will be strong for you…strong for you

I will be strong for you

Now I cannot be shaken

I will not be moved

Though the winds of change are shifting

I’m steady win or lose

And when you’re feeling weary

I will hold you up

Just fall into my lovin’ arms

Close your eyes and trust

I will be strong for you… I will be strong for you

No, I will not move

I’m with you, with you, win or lose

I will be strong for you

“I Hear the Angels Sing”   Jeff Krassner

I can’t believe they don’t understand

‘bout the love I feel for you

When you touch me baby

I feel the angels sing

They tell me it’s wrong

That the devil is loose

They think he’s draggin’ us under

But they don’t have a clue

‘cause when you touch me baby

I hear the angels sing

And when you give yourself to me

Honestly, I hear the angels sing

What makes them think I would turn you away

In this world filled with madness and sorrow

I won’t sell my soul

Or hide any longer

I won’t love you in darkness

Just to make them feel stronger

‘cause when you touch me baby

I hear the angels sing

And when you give yourself to me

Honestly, I hear the angels sing

And you remind me that life can be sweet

Though the world says we don’t belong

So let them preach some old ancient rules

But I know in my heart

It’s the judgment of fools

‘cause when you touch me baby

I hear the angels sing

And when you give yourself to me

Honestly, I hear the angels sing

Over and over I hear the angels

Over and over I hear the angels

Over and over I hear the angels sing

Plans For A Celebration

It all started because Leon's mother always comes to visit us during October. Leon's birthday is on October 23rd, and well, he is her only offspring.

Her October visits are a habit she's gotten into since moving to South Carolina. I don't remember her visiting in October when she lived in Florida.

Well, this year, Leon's sister-in-law (his half-brother's wife) will be in Boston on business and she thought it would be nice if her husband, (Leon's half-brother) came along, then after the business meeting they would hop in a rental car and drive down to our house for the rest of the week and help celebrate Leon's birthday.

When Leon's two half-sisters (does that make one whole sister?) found out they decided that they would drive out together from New York/Pennsylvania together for his birthday too.

Now mom complained that she hasn't seen her great-grand-daughter (technically her step daughter's grand-daughter) so the baby will be visiting us along with her parents who recently moved back East from Illinois.

Fortunately for us a few of them will be staying in a hotel nearby as we have only one guest bed and our couch doesn't open. Leon and I will sleep in our camper/RV which is both comfortable and offers us privacy.

It is a rare occurrence to get all of Leon's immediate family in one place at one time, and an even rarer occurrence to get them all gathered in Connecticut at once.

So I called my sister and my brother and sister-in-law and niece and nephew. They all live near by and and will be available, with the possible exception of my nephew who just recently learned that he may be away on business.

We also called four of our closest friends - two couples who've been together as long as we have - and they are free that weekend too.

So I said to Leon, "What a great opportunity."

And plans were set in motion for a celebration.

Speaking of Gold Rings and Rainbows and From the File Cabinet Re-run

Looks like the Supremes have spoken in our favor once again. Or more precisely NOT spoken.

Their refusal to hear the appeals by a slew of states means they are letting stand lower court decisions that overturned bans on same sex marriage in those several states: Indiana, Utah, Oklahoma, Virginia, Wisconsin. And this has also opened the door to marriage equality in Colorado, Kansas, North Carolina, South Carolina, West Virginia, Wyoming.

Surprisingly, some of these states and/or their elected officials are embracing the outcome of this non-ruling by SCOTUS.

Thanks to Russ over at Blue Truck, Red State, for the link, you can follow the story here.

This seems like a good time to re-post an entry from April 10th, 2012:

This little ditty was written in a creative writing class - during a 3-minute exercise in which we were required to use the words "Manhattan Kansas". Interesting how the mind works in a spontaneous moment...

"I'm glad that's over." Gary said as he raised the whisky glass and took a good gulp. He put the cigarette to his lips with the other hand and drew a lung-full of smoke. "I hate weddings in general," he added as the smoke escaped through his mouth and nose, making curly-cues around his face, " and I especially hate being in wedding parties".

"Well," John replied, "You held up pretty well in spite of it and I'm sure my brother and my folks appreciated it. And, it was kind of fun being best man and having you in the wedding party too. I couldn't help thinking that someday the two of us could be exchanging vows, right here, in Manhattan, Kansas!"

Or Bristol, Connecticut for that matter...

All That Glittered Was Gold and Rainbows

When I was in college, long, long, ago, I was standing in line at the cafeteria when a rainbow appeared in the field across the street. 

I mean the rainbow was right there, in the field. You could see it's end touching the ground and it was so near you could almost touch it yourself.

Some of us ran like fools, out of the cafeteria, across the road and into the field. The rainbow retreated a little further away with each stride we took. But it was still so close you could almost touch it. Almost.

Of course we never did catch the rainbow nor did we find a pot of gold in the field where it had touched down.

Twenty years or so ago Leon and I saw some gold rings in a shop - I think it was in Portsmouth, New Hampshire or possibly in Provincetown, Massachusetts - I don't remember where we first saw the rings by this particular artist, George Sawyer, because they were available in both locations. 

We both coveted those rings which are very beautiful being made of layered gold which looks like wood grain. 

The gold-smithing technique, after the art of Japanese sword-making, is called Mokume Gane. Here are a few examples of George Sawyer's work:

Back then the rings went for around $800 each. Which was more than we could afford. We started saving up though, and when we had saved about $1000, we decided to buy an RV instead. Much more fun and practical.

The next time we had saved some money for our rings the price-tag had gone up to around $1,200. But we put all of our savings toward the house we now live in. Much more sensible and practical.

We pretty much gave up the idea of getting gold mokume gane rings after that, but we still used to "visit" our rings whenever we went to Ptown or Portsmouth. 

Each visit, however, saw the price increase to $1,500, then $1,800 to the current $2,500 - $4,000!

Needless to say, these rings are further out of reach now than when we first saw them. 

Kind of like trying to chase a rainbow. And we still have more pressing and practical needs.

(c) FrankDeFrancesco/End of Trail Productions

Capitulated to the FB

Let me just say I have been a Facebook holdout till now.

I have reluctantly opened a Facebook page.

I did so kicking and screaming, and I'm doing even more kicking and screaming since going on FB. The only reason I gave in was because the people who published my book said it would be a good idea to have a Facebook page.

I'm not so sure. I despise Facebook.

I have been on Blogger for years and yes, there have been a few glitches and some irritating, user-unfriendly features. But nothing like Facebook. Facebook is an out-of- control harpy. Always nagging at you to "like" something or add something or find new "friends".

Those who know me know I don't "like" much and I don't have a lot of friends, just a few good ones.

Facebook constantly bombards you with what everybody and their brother "likes" -  like if Joe said he just farted, somebody is going to "like" that and then FB tells everybody they are connected to that they "liked" that Joe farted.

Who the hell CARES?

So, despite the fact that I am out there, the whole concept of "social networking" and especially the obnoxious, intrusive, Facebook version, is antithetical to my personality and style.

Facebook asks: "What's on YOUR mind?" That just about covers it for now.