Saturday, February 27, 2021

One of Those Days...Weeks...Months

I have to say that our life here in New Mexico has been quite good overall. We have been very fortunate.

But there are times when I get to feeling down, without purpose, unmotivated, joyless. I have been fighting depression for a while, trying to keep a positive outlook, trying to find some pleasure in walking with neighbors and our pack of dogs, baking bread, making pasta fatta in casa, cooking and learning Italian on YouTube and reading blogs. 

It's wearing thin.

Yeah…feeling down lately…like there is nothing I want to do, no place I want to go, no one I want to see… tired, exhausted, emotionally drained. I think a lot of it has to do with the four years of the despicable narcissist who still will not just go away, (like post traumatic stress syndrome?)...the pandemic which will not just go away (like a miracle, it was supposed to disappear!!!!) 

Benni, (the dog) is having neurological problems with controlling his hind quarters, (he stumbles sometimes and can no longer "leap" into the car) and occasionally his bowels…which is not yet a bad problem but will get worse…

...there has been no rain here. 

I am sick of juniper trees 
and desert weeds and dirt and dust and ugly rock salad everywhere…our lake has been closed due to Covid so we can’t even take a walk down by the lake…

Leon wants to go check out a camper in Wyoming…I dread the thought of travel during the epidemic, restaurants, motels, dog poop….so I think we won’t be going… life is ordering groceries, curb side pick-up, cooking, eating, cleaning up, laundry….a woman’s work is never done…walking the dog…putzing in the yard…

So, to all of you more steady and courageous souls, I hope you’re feeling a whole lot better than I am today...

Tuesday, February 16, 2021

Winter in the High Desert

 Had a little snow last night. I often find the New Mexican high desert monotonous and drab. Endless Junipers, some living, some dead. And brown dusty and rocky earth. And weeds. And prickly pear and cholla cactus. 

Winter snow sheds a new light on our backyard desert.

Happy Mardi Gras - Martedi Grasso - Shrove Tuesday

This Year's King Cake

 Interesting that in French and Italian the day is Mardi Gras and Martedi Grasso "Fat Tuesday" and the celebration is Carnival: carne-vale (farewell to meat). It is a holiday to celebrate and appreciate the human, sensual, appetitive aspects of our lives.

But the Anglo-Saxon Shrove Tuesday has no implication for revelry or feasting or partying. It's all about confessing sins and being shriven. Sounds so depressing.

So, if you prefer, have a Mardi Gras feast ... for tomorrow we (supposedly) fast for 40 days. And so, the earthly and the spiritual and the yin and the yang of life.

Sunday, February 14, 2021

Happy Valentine’s Day to my Love, my Husband, my Life Partner, Leon

Questionnaire borrowed from Bob at I Should Be Laughing 

Where you first met: I will say at the Rock River, Vermont but Leon says he met me when he and his then boyfriend came into the Gay Men’s Health Collective for HIV test.

How did you meet: He was on his way out from the gay beach after a thunderstorm at the River and we started talking; I said, “Wait a minute and I’ll walk out with you.” 

First date: Same day we met in August 1989; we decided to get a pizza in Brattleboro, he stopped at the ATM but the storm had knocked out service; I said, “My treat.”

How many years together: It was 32 years this past August.

Age difference: I am 14 years his senior.

Who was interested first: I think it was definitely Leon. The rest will be in my memoir, part two!

Who is taller: Leon by an inch

Most obnoxious in-laws: I refuse to answer as it may incriminate me.

Who said “I Love you” first: I really don’t remember, but it was most likely Leon.

Worst temper: I’m not sure I have so much a temper as impatience and grouchiness and orneriness; I can be loudly emotional and expressive. Leon is easy going but occasionally will blow a gasket or throw something when losing his patience with a piece of technology or machinery.

Most sensitive: I am most but Leon is becoming more or showing it more lately.

Most annoying habit: He begins a conversation in the middle as if I am privy to what was going on in his head up to that point; I get so focused on what I am reading, doing, thinking, so am oblivious to the last ten minutes of the conversation he’s been having without me.

Most forgiving: Leon is the most forgiving person I know. He doesn’t know the words grudge or resentment. I have learned some from his example.

Loudest: Leon will be heard.

Who has the most useless facts: Leon knows about cars, cars, trucks, engines, electricity, etc. Mostly useless info (as far as I’m concerned).

Funniest: Leon laughs at anything and likes to make silly comments; my humor is more sophisticated, of course.

Who wears the pants in the family: We really have a pretty equal say in decisions; we each have our expertise. Leon cars, mechanical things; me, dog, garden, kitchen

Most stubborn: That has not been an issue

Falls asleep first: Leon usually and hopefully without snoring.

Most impatient: I am definitely impatient and have a bad habit of always praying (Jesus Christ, this or that)
Better driver: The car guy. He can spot a pot hole a mile away and avoid it. Me, not so much.

Biggest neat freak: I am an organizer, Leon is a cleaner.

Most social: Definitely Leon. Will talk to anyone and everyone, even strangers, sometimes for hours. I will often take the long way just to avoid meeting anyone and having to talk.

Least likely to remember to do what the other one asks him to do: Not a big issue, but I am more likely to forget as my list is much longer!

Most competitive: Not applicable 

Best cook: I do 95% of the cooking and he would definitely say I am. Leon can cook if necessary.

Who is the handy-person: Leon is McGiver when it comes to solving a problem, fixing things that can’t be fixed, figuring out how to do something. I am good at things like landscaping, working with wood, concrete, stone.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all.

Saturday, February 13, 2021

"Well if the people are buying tears I'll be rich someday, ma"

 Look what they done to my song ma -Melanie

Look what they done to my song
Well it's the only thing
That i could do half right
And it's turning out all wrong ma
Look what they done to my song

Look what they done to my brain ma
Look what they done to my brain
Well they picked it like a chicken bone
And i think i'm half insane ma
Look what they done to my song

Wish i could find a good book to live in
Wish i could find a good book
Well if i could find a real good book
I'd never have to come out and look at
What they done to my song

Look what they done to my song
But maybe it'll all be alright ma
Maybe it'll all be okay
Well if the people are buying tears
I'll be rich someday ma
Look what they done to my song

Ils ont changé ma chanson, ma
Ils ont changé ma chanson
C'est la seule chose que je peux faire
Et ce n'est pas bon, ma.
Ils ont changé ma chanson.

Look what they done to my song ma
Look what they done to my song ma
Well they tied it up in a plastic bag
And turned it upside down ma
Look what they done to my song

Ils ont changé ma chanson, ma
Ils ont changé ma chanson
C'est la seule chose que je peux faire
Et ce n'est pas bon, ma.
Ils ont changé ma chanson.

Look what they done to my song ma
Ma, look what they done to my song
It's the only thing i could do alright
And they turned it upside down
Oh ma
Look what they done to my song

Friday, February 12, 2021

The Elephant In The Room And The Beat Goes On

Some random thoughts and comments on the Second Impeachment Trial of x45

 As necessary as I believe this impeachment trial is, the thing that irks me the most is that x45 IS STILL THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM ... and occupying my attention and that of the American people.

First off, it is my contention that our former "president" should never have been on the ballot, let alone been elected. His only "talent" is being a full blown narcissist:
- Grandiose sense of self-importance;
- Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love;
- Belief they are special and unique and can only be understood by, or associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions;
- Sense of entitlement;
- Need for excessive admiration;
- Interpersonally exploitative behavior;
- Lack of empathy;
- Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of them;
- Demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes.
A person with this type pf personality disorder should NEVER be allowed to run for high office. It is just too dangerous. His lust for power and adulation and his deep-seated narcissism should have disqualified him from even running for office. There needs to be much higher criteria than having money and being third-rate TV personality with a big mouth.

If the impeachment trial is theater, that is merely a side effect/bonus. I agree that the impeachment and the trial in the Senate is a necessity to put the traitor in front of all America and the world for his seditious acts and to demonstrate beyond all doubt that he is guilty. What the GOP cowards do will be on record for history to judge. I harbor a tiny hope that 12 of them may actually be persuaded to do the noble and right thing and convict. I'm hanging on to that hope for as long as possible.

Listening to the pathetic "defense" is tortuous...I have to take the dog for a walk.

The problem with an incompetent defense: The GOP Senators don't care; they've already decided.

I think I heard a threat: "if you do this,we will impeach a Dem president for something at the first opportunity"

Hubby and I both cried when we saw the events as they were happening. It is still very emotional to watch or to hear those who were there in the Capitol, speak about it.

Acquittal is a foregone conclusion…but for some unforeseen event. Like half the GOP Senators vacating at the critical vote.

McConnell: “Vote your conscience.”  This can be shredded on so many levels: 1. Anything McConnell says cannot be taken at face value; 2. There will ALWAYS be repercussions and retaliation for voting against the "party". 3. There are no, or at most a handful, of republicans with a "conscience". 4. He is a sleazy swamp creature and cannot be trusted. (We must postpone a Senate trial until after the inauguration....Now: it's unconstitutional to hold a Senate trial after the former president is no longer in office.)

Any Senator who does not vote for conviction is blind, deaf or still on the Koolaid. They will be committing political suicide.

About the trial being “a waste of time”
It is a just and necessary "waste" of time. No matter the outcome, this trial must be held and the Senators must see and hear the facts as presented by the house managers. The Senators must be put on the record as being sympathizers of a traitorous x-president and his lies or as having the guts to convict

On Lindsey's "Offensive and Absurd" comment: I watched the house managers. Their presentation was riveting, gut-wrenching, compelling, factual without being “political” – quite the opposite of “offensive and absurd” – unless by offensive you mean that the xpresident’s behavior was indeed offensive. These GOPers will just not admit that they have been kissing and continue to kiss the orange ass. I hope many will find themselves torn between their conscience and their loyalty to x45. I’m kidding. At least they will go on record and down in history as supporting a traitorous president and as being an accomplice to sedition and an attempted coup. May they forever have blood on their hands.

Pence was a fool and a lackey. He behaved like one of those half-naked movie-actor fan-wavers to the Pharaoh for four years. He was close enough to 45 to know what kind of sociopathic ass he was kissing daily. He should have known he was being used like toilet paper. Betrayed by his boss. So now he's a hero. Well, if it get's x45 convicted, good. He should be called to testify.

I think the House manager's arguments have been quite compelling. A slam-dunk under most people's reality. I'm not sure what would be slam-dunk in this trial. It is not an impartial jury. Quite a number of Senators have already decided how they will vote, slam-dunk not withstanding.

The GOPs are not there as an impartial jury. But as this goes on they are hopefully more and more between a rock and hard place.

My fear is that the rebuttal, no matter how incompetent, will have enough time and distance from the presentation of the evidence as to cloud their (GOPers) short memories and make their decision to acquit palatable (to themselves).

The trial is not a farce, but the GOP Senators certainly are doing their best to make it one. This trial, no matter the outcome, is on the record, the facts are clearly outlined and presented to the public and will hopefully come back to bite the GOP big time. There is such a thing as being on the wrong side of history.

The "defense" is that there is no due process. The house managers made it perfectly clear that all due process was granted and followed. The defense is a hollow argument, because they have nothing else. And they know they don't have to actually have any legal ammunition because the verdict will be presented to them on a silver platter.

And the beat goes on.

Sunday, February 7, 2021

My Recent Schpiel ON Joe.My.God

I am not commenting here [on JMG] as often as I used to. Sometimes I just skim the stories on JMG now, since the inauguration. 

I can't say I've completely stopped watching news or reading news articles but I no longer do so with the compulsive need to be informed of the daily atrocities and evil doings of the former president and his incompetent, destructive administration. And harboring the perpetual hope that the day would be the one in which the evil one would finally self-destruct. (We've had teflon presidents but that orange thing was annoyingly elusive and manipulative and evasive and slimy.)

There is at least some sense of relief knowing that adults are mostly in charge now and I can go about the mundane tasks of everyday living with so much less anxiety. The occasional news of a MAGot or insurrectionist or anti-LGBT bigot in particular does still trigger my anxiety and even at times a gut-wrenching fear of these scary folks. 

It often seems that the world has become a frightening and unkind place. I take note, but I'm not dwelling like I used to.

Hubby works, I'm retired, so I've been doing lots of yard work, landscaping, mulching, preparing the garden soil, starting some seeds, baking bread, cooking for hubby and me, walking the dog, watching too much YouTube: Gardening videos, How to build dry stone walls, recipes, "Pasta Grannies", videos in Italian, "Pasta Grammar", and "Leave Everything and Wander".

If it were not for the pandemic, things would seem almost normal. 

I know that after #45 things will never really be the same; we are forever in the age of alternative facts, up is down, lies are true, truth is relative, greed is virtue, power is currency, hate is acceptable, survival of the selfish, excuses and monumental projection.

But I'm choosing to ignore all that as much as possible, at least for a while while I enjoy the illusion that everything will be fine now that we have a president and an administration that operates in the realm of reality, predictability and normalcy. 

I am so fucking tired and exhausted after the past four years....Thanks for listening/reading. Just had to relieve myself of that.

Cowboy Joe

Beautiful. Thanks for sharing your journey.

10:14 p.m., Saturday Feb. 6

'Til Tuesday ❤️️💙💛💜💚 wrote:

I too limit my exposure on the political stuff on here. I don't read every story that's posted. The trick is to wait for the Blue Bear each evening, where anything can be talked about. I comment during the day, but it's the Blue Bear that I wait for, which is when the best stuff gets posted. While there's political stuff posted on the Blue Bear, most is other interesting stuff. For me, it's when I get to post about music, my first love.

greenmanTN wrote:

Good for you! I think everyone here's anxiety is down about 10 notches at least! (Not counting Another_Steve of course. 😜)




Tuesday, February 2, 2021

Map of Election Results by Neighborhood.

Courtesy of New York Times.

Interesting map of election results to play with. Blue and Red trends are pretty consistent.

Click Here For Map


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