Happy Holidays....Confessions of a Conflicted Scrooge

Leon and I want to wish you all a very Merry, Happy, Healthy and Blessed Christmas…or Hanukkah, or New Year… 

In this Strange and Unpredictable and often Bewildering Time, 

Even Christmas is not quite what it used to be. 

Very likely there will be no visitors coming or going, sharing drinks or coffee or cookies. 

 

I may be wrong about the no crowded department stores, no large family gatherings, no traveling to relatives for dinner, no packed Midnight Masses. At least for us that is the case.

For some, celebrating the Season with More and Brighter Decorations, More Lights and Ribbons and Bows will be an antidote to many long and stressful months.

    [For others of us, a low-key Holiday is more in keeping with our personalities or personal values. Leon decorated with lights outside; me, I've been cooking and baking but we have little in the way of decking the halls indoors. A Poinsettia and cards that others sent us. A Christmas table runner that my sister-in-law made. We gave her all our tree ornaments when we moved here, so no tree.

 

     Confession: I am not sending cards this season. I usually find it a chore, more stressful than satisfying. I used to enjoy sending cards, buying little gifts and stocking-stuffers and wrapping boxes and making bows. Now, not so much. Maybe it's age. Maybe it's just an existential feeling of performing empty rituals.

 

    Christmas always entails conflicting emotions for me. I grew up Italian Catholic or Catholic Italian, I'm not sure which, but the religious aspect of Christmas was always of great importance - Midnight Mass and all. And to be brief, while over the years I've been marginalized and rejected by my Catholic church and less inclined to embrace any religion, I find the the commercial, non-religious aspect of Christmas to be hypocritical. 

 

    Add to that the fact that I am the worst "consumer" you may ever meet and a horrible gift-giver, and even worse gift-receiver, I find the holiday to be most unpleasant. I cannot ever decide on a gift, and when I do, I am always doubting my choice: they'll think it's stupid, stingy, cheap, not thoughtful. It's ridiculous to spend that kind of money on THAT. So, yes, it's stingy. I'll talk myself out of whatever choice I make, time runs out and I get very anxious. I really hate Christmas. Maybe it's the anxiety that I find too difficult to tolerate. When I receive a gift, my thought is "why did they spend so much money, why did they get me more junk I don't need, dust collectors, stuff that will go in a closet or the garage, or to Goodwill. What will I do with this? And why am I so stingy and unwilling to go out of my way?" And then I feel guilty for not doing anything, not doing enough, not doing more, not having the "spirit".

 

     More stressful than satisfying.

 

     If I celebrate the Holiday at all it tends to be about the food...the Italian in me is stronger than the Catholic in me. I spend hours making cookies, bread dough, fish, meatballs, ragu, lasagna. If I give away cookies, I never give enough. When others give us cookies, they give twice or three times as much. I can't seem to get the ritual right. I'm so stingy. Makes me feel anxious and bad. I really hate Christmas. More stressful than satisfying.]

 

 

So....Whichever way you choose to Observe the Feast Day, the Holiday, the New Year, We wish You and Your Loved Ones, Joy and Peace and Love. 

 

Buon Natale, Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, 

Feliz Natal, Joyeux Noel

Happy Hanukkah

 

Happy New Year (we can only Hope!)

And I would like to share with you two favorite Italian/Catholic Christmas/Seasonal songs:

 Tu Scendi Dalle Stelle (Luciano Pavarotti) and Ave Maria (Il Volo). (Click the links...Some of you may especially enjoy the Video of the Italian Trio, Il Volo)