Saying Goodbye to Two Special Women

I have been seeing a mental health therapist since last August (2021) and a physical therapist since last November (2021). Both therapies were, to a large degree, due to my ageing body. 

I had been experiencing some ongoing depression, mostly about getting old and partly about the road not taken (not to imply that there was ever a different road I could have taken). 

And then there was the osteoarthritis with loss of cartilage and torn meniscus which left my left knee swollen and painful and which just added insult to the injury of being 74.  

Well, I had an 8:00 am appointment with my physical therapist, Alexi, this morning and I suggested that I had perhaps improved as much as could, which, all things considered meant that I could now bend my knee to put on my socks and shoes, walk at least a mile without any real pain, do my house chores and tend to my vegetable garden with only mild exhaustion. So we decided that it would be my last PT session. She put me through the gauntlet as a parting gesture!

I am very grateful to have had such a knowledgeable, professional, warm and compassionate therapist. I thanked her and gave her a good-bye hug before leaving.

I stopped for coffee and then went to my appointment with my mental health therapist, Linda, which was at 10:00 am. Our meetings had been reduced to every other week for a while and there would be several weeks in the next month when I would not be able to schedule. So after we reviewed my journey briefly, we decided together that this would be my last therapy session.

Part of that review included acknowledging the imaginary "road not traveled" as well as the "road actually traveled." That actual road was the road to accepting my self and my sexuality. But it was one long, rough, bumpy, treacherous and difficult ride. One that left me a bit battered and wounded...and angry. 

When I came out at 36 I was able to channel some of that anger into Gay Lib and AIDS activism. 

The residual anger I still feel now sometimes is due to the fact that it was our judgemental, oppressive and homophobic institutions of school, religion, society, family, culture, and ethnicity that sent me on that very long, difficult road to begin with. It was strewn with guilt and fear and humiliation and depression and pain. And seemed to go on forever. (Each day now I read about new anti-LGBTQ shit that makes me angry, but that's another thing.)

Now I am still learning to own and embrace that road I traveled. It is not resignation, it is not quite acceptance. I am seeing that journey as part of what made me who I am, like it or not and.... too bad that I am not a marine biologist!

So, that was heavy. And after reviewing my therapeutic journey, I said, "Gee, maybe I need another year of therapy!" We both laughed.

I am very grateful to have had such a knowledgeable, professional, warm and compassionate therapist. I thanked her and gave her a good-bye hug before leaving.

Today I said good-bye to two special women (both of whom kind of had a "free spirit" vibe and were generous with their presence and attention) who were there to help me through a difficult time.  

My mental and physical pains may not be "cured" but thanks to these women I am walking and living with much less physical and emotional pain ... all on my own now.

Today was cathartic. Wish me luck.