A PROVINCETOWN STORY
(c) Frank DeFrancesco, 2012
(based on actual events - the names have been changed, etc....)
Ronnie
was not the sharpest blade in the kitchen – nor the gayest either. His
unpredictable antics could irritate the hell out of you. For example, if you asked him to check
on your house while you were on vacation, you’d come home to find all the
appliances unplugged including the ones like the VCR or coffee maker with
clocks and timers. If you hadn’t noticed what he’d done you might wait twenty
minutes for a piece of toast which would never pop up, then you’d take the name
of the Lord in vain while you went around the house to reset and re-program all
the various electronics that were now flashing “12:00 am”.
Ronnie
had a boyfriend for many years before I knew him but after the guy died
suddenly Ronnie never really connected with anyone else. He didn’t date guys and only rarely met
guys for sex. He always said he
only liked to do it in the shower to make sure the other guy was clean.
Ronnie had a roommate when I knew
him. I don’t recall his roommate’s
name, but Ronnie called him “Skank” because he supposedly never used soap to
shower. Ronnie refused to use the
same washing machine as Skank so instead of washing clothes at home, Ronnie
would go down to the strip mall to the Laundromat to do his clothes. I guess he thought strangers were less
“skanky” than Skank.
I’d
gone to Provincetown with my partner probably once or twice each summer when
Ronnie was around so he’d heard me talk about the East Coast’s gayest town more
than once. He was just this side
of forty but had never been there, even though he had a Lesbian cousin who
lived in PTown with her girlfriend.
I
guess Ronnie finally concluded it was time to see what Provincetown was all
about and so one weekend he decided he would venture out on his own and visit
his cousin Lu for an overnight stay.
Lu
said, “See ya when you get here.”
It’s
about a five-hour drive by car from Ronnie’s house to Commercial Street but he
wasn’t sure his old clunker would make the trip without breaking down again. It
was always something with that old car – a fan belt, a muffler falling off, a
clogged fuel filter, a burned out headlight. Besides he wasn’t too good with maps and GPS hadn’t been
invented yet. He decided to “leave the driving to bus”.
So
there was Ronnie, standing at the ticket window at the local Greyhound station
at six-forty-five AM on a bright summer Saturday morning with an overnight bag
hoping to catch an early bus to Provincetown.
“One
round-trip to PTown, please” Ronnie requested of the woman behind the glass.
“So,
where’s dat juh wanna go, hun? I
ani’t got no bus to no Pee-Town.”
“Well. My friends always call it PTown. I think they call it PTown for
short. It’s like Providencetown or
something. It’s near the ocean.”
“We
got a bus leaving for Providence at eleven - fifteen. That’s the only thing I’s got listed here, hun. You wanna ticket to Providence?
“Yeah,
thanks. Sounds good. What time does it get there?”
“You
got a few stops between here and there then a short lay up in Springfield and
then on to Providence. It should
get you there around 1:35 this afternoon. Here you go. That’ll be $30. The bus starts boarding at eleven. That’s about three hours from now hun,
so relax on over to the snack bar.
Have a nice time, hun”.
Ronnie
was disappointed about having to wait more than three hours, but he
was committed and it was now or never.
He passed the time as the ticket lady said, “over to the snack bar” with
the morning paper, a pack of Kools and a few cups of coffee.
It
was one of those spectacular New England summer days: the blue of the sky was
deep and cloudless and the morning sun was gently warming up the day. Ronnie was finally going to PTown.
The
bus began boarding as scheduled but was more than half empty when it left the
station. An older couple got on at the first stop, then a few guys boarded in
Worcester and Ronnie thought they looked gay. “Nice,” Ronnie thought as he admired the young men, then
closed his eyes and enjoyed the soothing hum of the diesel engine and the
highway.
When the bus pulled into the Providence
Rhode Island Bus Terminal, it was
just past 1:35 PM and, Ronnie thought, still early enough to see this gay town
and have some fun.
Lu
had told him that she lived on one of the side streets off Commercial. He had it written down somewhere.
Ronnie disembarked and looked around.
Somehow it wasn’t quite what he had expected, but “Well,” he thought,
“nothing is ever how you expect it to be based on what people say.” So Ronnie decided to wander around a
bit and, if necessary, ask directions to 29 Mayflower Street.
After
nearly an hour, Ronnie began to feel lost and confused. There was the bus station right off the
highway, a huge cemetery and a baseball park and a neighborhood a little
farther down. He kept walking. He
didn’t see many obviously gay men or Lesbians or many people other than those
taking busses. There were no
T-shirt shops, or souvenir shops or people who looked like they might be going to
the beach. He didn’t see
Commercial Street anywhere. He got
the feeling that maybe he was in the wrong place after all but decided to walk
a little further. Finally, he
emerged from his state of denial and asked a passer-by “I’m looking for
Mayflower Street, it’s off of Commercial Street. Can you tell me how to get
there?
The
stranger replied with a mixture of amusement and pity, “Oh, buddy, I don’t
think that’s anywhere around here.
There’s a Commercial Street way across town, and I think there’s a
Mayflower Street around here somewhere, but are you sure that’s where you want
to go?
“Well,
is this, like, PTown, isn’t it? I came to visit my cousin in Ptown.”
“Sorry
fella, you’re not in PTown. This
is Providence, Rhode Island. You
want Provincetown, Massachusetts. It’s out on Cape Cod, you know.”
“Yeah,
yeah, thanks, guy. Yeah, Cape Cod, I know.” But that was not exactly what he was thinking. The day was slipping away.
So
it was a long walk back to the Providence Rhode Island Bus Terminal to hop a
bus to Provincetown, Massachusetts. By now it was already nearly three
o’clock. Ronnie thought, “I won’t
be coming back here, so I guess I should get a one-way ticket.” Ronnie
approached the ticket window.
“Could I get a one-way ticket on the next bus to Provincetown,
Massachusetts, please?”
“Our
bus line doesn’t go to Provincetown, the best I can do is get you to
Hyannis. Too bad, the bus just
pulled out. There’s another one in
two hours, leaving at four-fifty-five.
Arriving in Hyannis at six-fifty-five. Is that OK?”
Ronnie
thought, “I’ve come this far, why
not?” And to the ticket guy,
“Yeah, that’ll be fine.”
“Thirty
dollars, please.”
Four
fifty-five. Another two hour wait.
Ronnie’s second bus trip today would put him in Hyannis, Massachusetts
at almost seven PM.
The
trip out to Hyannis was uneventful but boring. The bus stopped at various non-descript “bus stations” -
town greens, donut shops, strip malls to pick up or drop off passengers along
the way. Driving would have been
quicker, even if he got lost.
When
Ronnie arrived in Hyannis he realized he hadn’t considered how he would get to
PTown from there. “Now, how do I
get to Provincetown from here?” Ronnie asked himself. “Well, it can’t be that far. I’ll just call Lu and have her pick me up.” He found the nearest pay phone and
dialed Lu’s number.
The
phone rang and rang. No
answer. He hung up. He couldn’t come up with another plan. He dialed Lu’s number again. He let the phone ring longer this
time. Finally he heard someone
pick up on the other end.
“Hello,
what daya want? and why ya calling this late?” Ronnie looked at his watch. It was just past seven. It was Dandi, Lu’s handicapped, or disabled, or physically
challenged partner, Ronnie wasn’t sure which adjective to use, on the line, not
Lu.
“Dandi,
it’s Ronnie, is Lu there?”
“Where
else would she be, stupid? Of
course she’s here.” Dandi was not
in a good mood. Dandi was hardly
ever in a good mood.
“Well,
can I speak to Lu, please?”
“Probably
not. She was really feeling shitty
today, so she took a couple of sleeping pills and went to bed early.”
“Could
you please try to wake her?
Please, Dandi, I’m kind of stranded here, in Hyannis.”
“Hang
on to your shorts, shorty. I’ll
see if I can get her to the phone.”
Minutes
passed. The operator demanded
“another ninety-five cents, please.”
Ronnie fumbled through his jeans pocket. Luckily, every time he’d bought a coffee or a pack of
cigarettes earlier that day, he’d paid with dollar bills and had a pocket full
of change. He put three quarters
and two dimes into the slot.
“Hey,
Ronnie? What’s the problem? It was a very groggy Lu on the other
end. “I just took some pills to help me sleep. Jeeze, couldn’t you have called earlier?
“Lu,
I’m in Hyannis. It took me all day
to get here. There is no bus out
of here tonight. I can’t get there
and I can’t go home. Can you come, pick me
up?”
“Jeeze,
Ronnie. You haven’t changed a bit
since we were kids. Still needing
me to get your ass out of the campfire.
Do you know how far it is to Hyannis from here? On a good day, it would take me an
hour. And that’s without Dandi
yelling at me to slow down. You
know Dandi can’t drive, but she’s going to have to come with me, to keep me
awake. I’m going to have to fight
off the pills to bail your ass out of Hyannis. Where exactly are you, anyway?”
“I’m
on Route 28, at a strip mall near where the bus dropped me off. There’s a Shell Gas Station and across
the street there’s a coffee and donut shop. That’s where I’m at now.”
“OK. I’ve been through there many
times. I know the Shell Station
and that donut shop. Sit tight. I’ll come get you.”
“Thanks,
Lu.” Ronnie knew not to say much
more at that point.
“Yeah,
no sweat. What I don’t do for
family. If you weren’t gay, I’d
just tell you to go fuck off.”
By
the time the two Lesbians had filled a thermos with hot coffee and gotten
Dandi’s wheelchair into the van – Dandi refused to go anywhere without her
chair - it was almost eight o’clock. Lu helped Dandi into the van and Dandi
kept shaking Lu to be sure she was awake enough to drive.
“I’m
OK. I can drive.” Lu was barely convincing.
Halfway
to Wellfleet, Lu began to nod off.
Dandi screamed, “Wake up.”
“I
can’t. I’m going to pull over and
take a rest.” Lu wisely decided.
Thirty
minutes later, Dandi grabbed Lu’s arm and shook her hard. “LuLu, can you drive now?”
Lu
came to - enough to shake off sleep for a minute and start the engine. They pulled out onto Route 6 again and headed
for Orleans. At the Orleans
traffic circle, Lu missed the off ramp for 28. She had to go around the round-about again.
“I’d
better pull off and take another break before I kill us both.” Lu declared with somewhat slurred
speech. She pulled into Frankie’s
Fish and Chips and parked as far from the restaurant as she could. Her head went limp and Dandi put her
head back and closed her eyes. It
was after nine.
The
flashlight through the driver’s side window woke Dandi first. She elbowed Lu hard. “Lu, wake up. Get it together quick, it’s a cop.”
Lu,
struggled to wake up. Everything
was a blur. Dandi repeated, “It’s
a cop, wake up.” Something about
the word “cop” counteracted the effect of the drugs Lu took earlier.
“Yeah,
I’m here!” she declared as she hit the down button for van window.”
“Are
you ladies OK?” the Officer Murphy inquired, “You can’t park here when the establishment is closed.”
“Oh,
sorry. We just pulled in here
earlier to grab a bite to eat, then decided to just shut my eyes for a few
minutes,” Lu fabricated. What time
IS it anyway?”
“It’s
ten-thirty, ladies. The restaurant
closed at nine-thirty. I should do
a sobriety test, but you didn’t break any laws as far as I can tell, and I’m
not smelling alcohol, so I’ll just let you be on your way. I’m going to follow you up the road for
a few miles to be sure your driving is up to snuff.”
“Oh,
thanks officer, sorry about troubling you.” Lu said. She
drove off, slowly but soberly enough to satisfy Officer Murphy.
It
took Lu another forty-five minutes to get to Hyannis and by some miracle, Lu
found the Shell gas station, and the coffee shop, which was just about to close
for the night, and her cousin Ronnie who had gotten tanked up on caffeine over
the best part of four hours.
Ronnie
offered to drive as he was now more awake than Lu had been all day. Lu passed out in the back. Unfortunately, Ronnie didn’t know where he was headed and
Dandi was no help. By the time
Ronnie found Route 6 East – the "fast" way back to Provincetown - he had toured a good
part of the mid-Cape and chalked up about an hour of extra driving. They pulled into
Mayflower Street just after one AM.
Dandi
was grouchy and exhausted and insisted that Lu help her get ready for bed. Lu, who hadn’t completely metabolized
the sleeping pills she took earlier that evening, wasn’t far behind.
Lu
came out of the bathroom, pointed to a ratty couch and said, “You can sleep
there, cuzin. Just don’t go out or
the door will lock behind you. And
I’m NOT getting out of bed to let you in.”
When
Lu finally rolled out of bed in the morning it was almost eleven o’clock. The sun was heating up the day quickly
and townies ands tourists alike had already been spilling onto Commercial
Street in search of breakfast and t-shirts. Ronnie was hungry too, but had been too afraid of going out
and being locked out of the apartment.
All
Lu could manage to say was, “Ronnie, if you walk down Mayflower you’ll come to
Commercial. You can get yourself
breakfast. And you should stop at
the bus station on the wharf to check the bus schedule. I don’t think there are too many outgoing on Sunday as most
of the weekly tourists leave on Saturdays. Hope you had a good time.”
Ronnie
hardly had time to grab a coffee and check the bus schedule before he was boarding the Transit Authority
bus for Boston where he would get a whistle-stop excursion home. If he was lucky, it would still be
Sunday and daylight when he arrived.
1 comment:
OMG. Too funny. Even I, far away in Texas, know the difference between Providence and Provincetown!
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