Referral to Some Links

Just want to refer readers to this article on the National Defense Authorization Act.

I was reading a post by Gay Mystic on post election reflections and followed a link to Chris Hodges' article in which he basically vilifies Obama for defending this current military spending bill due to a provision allowing unconstitutional arrest and holding of anyone suspected of "substantially supporting" the enemy.  The vague language can put any journalist at risk with no recourse to the law or the courts.  In some extreme hypothetical, it could put any of us at risk, if we are deemed a threat.  There has been a law suit filed and one judge has ruled that the provisions in question are unconstitutional.  The DOJ (Obama Administration) is defending the law.  To some liberals his defense of this bill is the reason they did not vote for him and they think he is two-faced in offering a "liberal" face to the public while hiding his "fascist" face from the public.

What do readers think?

Writers' Workshop

Last night I did something I've never done before, well, maybe in a classroom, but there, only reluctantly.

Last night I read a chapter of my "memoir", a work in progress, at a the Bare Bones Cafe, right here in our town and in front of a small audience.  I am not a person who exudes self-confidence, so I was a little apprehensive.  But I did OK and felt positive about the experience.

I was one of five readers.  We are from a Writer's Group that I was invited to join last May.  The group has been very supportive.  We read our stuff to one another and offer critiques.

I feel very privileged to be a part of the group - the others are "real" writers who've been published.  I'm an amateur, but they have made me feel very welcomed and have been encouraging.

Leon took photos, but alas, he did not take photos of all five of us, mostly just me, so these photos are of "me" doing my reading, followed by what I read:

DEAD BOB 

(c) 2012 Frank DeFrancesco, all Rights Reserved

(Names and events have been loosely disguised to confuse anyone who thinks I've written about them)

       ‘Dead Bob’, as my partner Lee and I would affectionately refer to Bob Windham after he died to distinguish him from the many other ‘Bobs’ we knew, was thoroughly gay.  He was delightfully gay.  He was unabashedly gay. 

       In addition to the Gay Married Men’s Group, Bob attended gay AA and gay Al-Anon meetings, not because of any problem with alcohol, but to cruise the guys.

       “I’m not an alcoholic,” he would protest, “I hardly even drink beer, but I go with my friend Eddie, for moral support.  Besides, the hottest guys are in AA.”

       Bob belonged to Integrity, the gay Episcopal group, and he volunteered on the Council for Sexual Minorities, which comprised several representatives from a number of local, more or less liberal churches.  He also volunteered as a group facilitator with the local Gay and Lesbian Young People’s Hartford support group – GLYPH - which I had been in charge of. 

       You might also find him occasionally at a Gay Pride Committee meeting and any other ad hoc committee that might form at the first inkling of a new legislative initiative affecting the rights of Connecticut’s gays and Lesbians.  If there was a gay march or demonstration, Bob was there.

       Since separating from his wife, Lori, some eight years prior, Bob threw himself wholeheartedly into gay adolescence.  Bob loved sex and talked about it often, kind of like a teenager who had just discovered his big brother’s copy of Playboy and pretends to have done a lot more than he did for real. 

       Bob was not a hunk by any stretch, but certainly not ugly.  He was about five-foot-six and had a slightly pudgy midriff, dirty blond hair that got in his eyes and an Irish-elfin face with a big toothy smile and twinkling eyes.  A single gold tooth added even more sparkle to his countenance.

       Bob was a packrat of sorts.  A borderline hoarder.   He did not have junk stacked in floor to ceiling piles like some hoarders often do, but he definitely had his OCD quirks. 

       A few years earlier, when we flew out to San Francisco with him and Carl, he brought at least ten pairs of sunglasses with him that he had purchased on sale.  “It was such a bargain, I couldn’t pass it up,” he explained, while he chuckled in that mischievous, innocent way he always did.  In addition to his regular luggage, Bob brought his carry-ons which consisted of seven or eight plastic shopping bags, filled with everything from the sunglasses to sweaters, candy bars, magazines, a walkman and a 5-inch black and white TV, “It was such a bargain,” was his refrain. 

       At the airport Bob said, “Let’s make sure we get on the plane first, so I can get all this stuff into the overheard compartments.”  We could maybe justify the ten pairs of sunglasses, but why Bob would need a mini-TV in California was anybody’s guess.

       Bob had been married to Lori, a woman he genuinely loved and had two daughters whom he cherished. For Bob it was the ‘Gay Married Men’s Group’ that helped with his coming out and supported him in telling his wife and daughters about his gay identity.  Even though he was amicably divorced, he remained active with the married men’s group.  I think Bob stayed with the group because, as he would often say, “Married men are so hot.”

       When Bob died of complications of AIDS in early 1996, his lover Carl, who did not live with him during the six or so years they were together, asked Lee and I to help go through his things and clean out his apartment.  Carl called to set the date a few weeks after the funeral and it was April when we finally had a free Saturday to help him with closing up Bob’s apartment.  

     

       We had agreed to meet Carl at Bob’s old place at 7 am on Saturday.  Lee and I drove over in Lee’s Isuzu Pup – the little pickup truck that guaranteed we got invited to help whenever a friend was moving or when someone bought furniture or firewood.

       When we arrived at the apartment Carl said, “Lori and the girls have already taken what they wanted of Bob’s, so take whatever you want, cuz I’m donating or throwing out whatever is left, no exceptions.”

       Amongst the stuff that Bob had collected were lots of skin magazines, mostly soft-core stuff like Blueboy, Honcho and Mandate, which were pretty tame by porn standards.  “But,” Bob always said, “I like reading the hot stories and the articles.”

       “Fran, don’t spend an hour going through porn,” Lee said, when he saw the gleam in my eye.  “We’re here to help Carl.”  

       This was merely a routine scolding from Lee, who has a knack for keeping me on task when tackling a big clean up job or a major home maintenance project.  Lee is almost fourteen years my junior, and we had been together for about eight years at the time, eight years into what I call the second half of the rest of my life.

       Lee and I had crossed paths on occasion, but we ‘officially’ met at a gay swimming hole in Vermont one August afternoon in 1988.  But that’s a whole other chapter.  I put aside the porn after picking out a few good men.

      

       Bob’s apartment was not neat but not disgustingly filthy either.  It was definitely lived-in with a laissez-faire approach to housekeeping - moderately cluttered with clothing, books, magazines, mail, bottles of vitamins and medications and his precious videotapes. 

       In contrast, his dresser drawers were packed full with neatly folded clothes, though long out of style and with the price tags still affixed, showing both the original price and the mark-down.  There were a half dozen sweaters, all of the same size and label, but of different colors, ten or more identical button down Western style plaid shirts, at least ten packages of tighty-whitey underwear and several six-packs of white crew socks, unopened.

       In his kitchen there were still a few dishes in the sink but the counters and appliances were visible and usable.  The fridge, however, would probably not have passed a health department inspection even when Bob was alive.  We always cringed when Bob would offer to bring a salad to one of the frequent potluck dinners at the Gay and Lesbian Community Center. 

       “I brought a salad,” he would announce enthusiastically as he walked in with a large Tupperware bowl, “the lettuce and tomatoes were about to go bad, so I had to use them up.”  Those of us ‘in-the-know’ would usually avoid Bob’s salads.

         On weekends, Bob shared his two-bedroom, one bath apartment with his daughters, Sandy and Pam, and with Carl, of course.  The bathroom was cluttered with all sorts of feminine products, shampoos, beauty bars and various articles of young women’s intimate clothing.  We always teased Bob about his being a closet transvestite, based on what was on display in his bathroom. 

       “Oh, you guys.  Stop it.  But you never know!” he’d smile showing a gleaming gold tooth.

       Bob was Episcopalian; his lover, Carl Baccio, a mostly quiet, serious guy from a typical Italian-American family, was a self-described ‘lapsed’ Catholic.  He and Bob would attend the Integrity service at the Episcopal Church when Carl was at Bob’s for the weekend.  Carl had been ‘out’ since college but Bob ‘came out’ in his mid-thirties and was still somewhere in his gay adolescence.

       Bob was obsessed with old movies, recent movies, TV movies and TV specials and just about all other genres of TV entertainment.  Of course, this was before the world had ever heard of DVDs or other digital media.  Bob would program his VCR to the TV Guide schedule and record every movie or TV program that interested him, and carefully label and store the video tapes to view at some later date.  There had to be over a hundred tapes in the bookcase. 

       That later date when he planned to watch all those movies and taped TV shows never came.  I felt a sense of loss as I was going through his prized videos - knowing he had been admitted to the hospital less than two months ago with a sudden onset of pneumonia.  He remained there for several weeks while his immune system failed him entirely.   He died one night with Carl, his two daughters and his ex-wife all by his side. ......

... Continued... let me know if you want to read more.

And A Very Merry Christmas To You Mittsey Scrooge

Well, I, for one, did not get any "gifts" from Obama and I voted for him nonetheless.

I think I earned my Social Security, my bank interest amounts to literally pennies per month, as I am retired/unemployed I pay a reduced rate for health insurance thanks to the State of Connecticut low-income health plan but that will go up soon when I must go on Medicare, and I pay my state and local sales and property taxes, etc.  So no "gifts" here.

I hope this insensitive and ignorant excuse for a man who ran for president for the Republican Party keeps on talking so his mouth will be so wide open that everyone who supported him can put their foot in.  My contempt for MR has only been enhanced with his "explanation" of why he lost the election.

Thanks to Russ at Blue Truck Red State for sharing this - I'd like to do the same.   Rachael Maddow is SPOT ON with her commentary.  Enjoy. (After the advertisement of course)

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

A Sigh of Relief And A Funeral

Needless to say I am relieved at the outcome of Tuesday's election, both on the national and local levels. I am happy for President Obama, first for being re-elected and second for the opportunity to carry on the policies that got him elected in the first place.  I hope he is able to appoint some good Supreme Court justices and to get the obstructionist Republican House of Reps to move toward compromise and responsible governing.

I am most pleased that the scheme to make Obama a one-term president perpetrated by Republican members of the House and Senate by holding our government hostage in order to implement that plot was thwarted.   There is no place in this country for that kind of politics.  If they had succeeded, not only would it have been an embarrassment for the country and an insult to Obama, but it would have ushered in a new low for the US political establishment.

And of course, the fact that Maryland, Maine, Washington passed marriage equality measures and that Minnesota thwarted an anti-gay constitutional amendment was just icing on the cake.  History moving forward.

P.S.
Yesterday I attended a funeral for my elderly aunt (she was 96).  Nellie was a free spirit.  She was the first among her siblings to drive a car and was off doing her thing before anyone could stop her.  She never passed judgement on anyone and accepted everyone with a warm greeting, a smile and her fun-loving spirit.  She and her husband always loved a visit and she always accepted Leon as my parter and a member of the family.  Despite the physical pain she often experienced, she was rarely, if ever, heard to complain.  She was a trooper in so many ways.  The week before she passed away she had gone to the casino, made her favorite cookies for a family get together and was getting ready to go visit my sister when she had a stroke.

We have a large extended family and I would say that we were mostly all brought up with similar values: To treat others fairly and not to pass judgement, to be generous and  care for those less fortunate - basic, old fashioned, "Catholic" values.  So I was disturbed to hear several of my relatives voice their disappointment about the election outcome.  And it made me once again question "What is happening to otherwise well-meaning people that they are swayed toward an oppressive, right-wing party?  Is it really about following the dictates of their religious leaders who have defined the "non-negotiable positions on a handful of issues, including abortion and marriage?  I don't know how Aunt Nellie would have voted, but I'm sure she wouldn't have let a priest or bishop or minister strong-arm her into what to think about her political choices.  May she serve as an inspiration to us.

A Reflection On Winners and Losers

From Despair, Inc. (http://www.despair.com/)
Used without Permission*  

I am not a competitive person.  Even when I’ve been a spectator, I’ve never completely understood the concept of “winners” and “losers” and I always empathized more with the “losers”, partly because of their defeat, but mostly because they deluded themselves into thinking that the game they just played was more important than it really was.

From Despair, Inc. (http://www.despair.com/)
Used without Permission*

From Despair, Inc. (http://www.despair.com/)
Used without Permission*

Games are one thing.  

Our US Government and the Election of its Officials is quite another.  The problem with political “winners” and “losers” is that outcomes of our political battles don’t just affect the candidates - they really are much more important than a game because they can affect all of us for years to come.

But my purpose here is not to expound on the merits or faults of one political philosophy or party or another.  I am pondering the question of why our country is so divided.  And why that division has become increasingly more pronounced over the past decades.  And why believers on both sides are becoming more and more entrenched in their positions and more willing or more desperate to close their ears, their eyes and their minds to “the other side”. 

I was thinking of how I might feel should the Republican Presidential candidate win this election and the first thing that came to mind was that I would feel angry.  First, angry that there might be people who know me who voted against my hard won rights, against my well-being and against my safety and security – against my “life, liberty and pursuit of happiness”.  Like “How could they?”

Then, angry that “we” were not able to reason with “them” and offer convincing, logical arguments that anybody could see were right and correct.  Angry that somehow “we” let this get away from “us”.  Angry that “they” somehow got more people pulling on “their” end of the rope.

Thinking about that anger – I find that beneath the anger really is fear.  Fear that not only my life and liberty, but everything I believe in would be threatened – my values, my freedoms, my independence, my rights.

And when I realized this, I thought, “That is probably how the other side is feeling about us.  Everything we stand for probably seems like a threat to their worldview, their beliefs, their very identities.

While I believe there is a qualitative, essential, phenomenological difference between the two worldviews, I don’t want to offer an analysis here – that would only serve to sidetrack the point I am trying to make.  

That point is, with two more or less equal groups feeling threatened by the other, how, oh, how, can this nation expect to survive? 

How can two groups whose distrust and suspicion for one another ever work together for the common good?

Is there a way for each side to suspend the threat that instills fear on the other side?

Is there a way for each side to chip away at the Berlin Wall that separates them?

I’m thinking that we all had better find a way to do so, sometime soon, or we will be in an ideological war, perhaps a war with real weapons, perhaps a war with real bloodshed and with no spectators and no winners.

From Despair, Inc. (http://www.despair.com/)
Used without Permission*

* FAQ: I want to put your images on my homepage without crediting you or acknowledging you in any way, so that I can do my small part to violate the copyrights of your photographers and whoever else might have a commercial interest in your intellectual property. How cool is that?

A: It is okay with us provided you promise to throw an online tantrum when we ask you politely to stop.

http://www.despair.com/

Follow the Money -

"The United Auto Workers (UAW), the Service Employees International Union (SEIU), and other groups plan to file an ethics complaint against [the Republican Presidential Candidate] for allegedly failing to disclose his profits from the auto bailout, the UAW has told The Huffington Post."

Read articles HERE and HERE

The world of high finance, "vulture investing", blind trusts, hedge funds, bailouts, etc. is so removed from my reality that I find it hard to believe that that world really exists, or that people live in it everyday.  People like the Republican presidential candidate.

I don't know why this story is just coming out now, or if the major news networks will carry it, but this is damning evidence that this guy that is running on the Republican ticket is dangerous, sneaky, underhanded and treasonous. I use the word treason because this guy believes he is above the law of the land, above any law, and will stop at nothing to achieve ultimate power and wealth.  And he will laugh all the way to hell while this country goes to hell.  God help us.

A Link for Thought

Here is a link to I Should Be Laughing - a post about the GOP Presidential campaign's continuing phony attempts to relate to the people by buying their way and staging their "sincerity".  Remember the one where they pretended to wash pots and pans at the soup kitchen?  Or twisted the facts about their search for women to take posts in Massachusetts governor's office; or insisted a grief stricken mother of a son killed in the war return a call to the governor for his own edification; etc.  It amazes me that nearly half the voting public could support the man or the party.

What Kind of Name For a Hurricane is Sandy?

UPDATE 10/31/12  Here we still have electricity (last year we were without power for 7 days).  But being without electricity is merely an inconvenience compared to being without a home or seeing your house burn or having your entire neighborhood covered in sand and debris.  Where does one begin to clean up and rebuild?  Where does one get the resources?  The video coverage is unbelievable.  Hoping that everyone affected will get needed assistance soon.

UPDATE 10/30/12  We survived the storm with no damage or flooding.  We are inland and on the north side of Fall Mountain, so we got only minimal wind.  Down at the shore, it was quite another story - not as widespread as New Jersey and Long Island, but most of the Connecticut shore got hit hard.

10/29/12
Sandy sounds like such a mild mannered, friendly, fun-loving, even wimpy name.  Sandra or Sandro would carry more authority.  But here we are battening down the hatches for "Sandy".  Almost exactly a year since the Halloween snow storm that crippled our area and turned out the lights for seven days.  So we are getting ready to play Little House on the Prairie once again: filling water buckets for when the well pump is powerless and getting all our potential flying object out of the yard.

So far, now 6:30 pm, most of the wind is coming from the TV weather forecasters.

Here are some of the best photos from the hurricane so far.  Thanks to hurricane wind and rain we have Satellite TV Art:

I'm thinking these will be made into note cards for this year's gifts to family and friends.

Bill Maher's Analysis

Thanks to Trickle Down BS for sharing this clip:

Couldn't have said it better.

Radio Spot

Thanks to Wicked Gay Blog for this one:

Happy Birthday Leon

Made a Birthday dinner this evening for my honey who turned 51.  Did any of us over fifty crowd ever picture ourselves as over fifty when we were twenty or thirty or even forty and still dancing at the disco?  And here he is still a young whipper-snapper at fifty-one!

 

 We rarely have beef except for a burger or meatballs with spaghetti.  Got some T-bones on special and made potatoes and onions in the microwave with a side of broccoli, glass of Lambrusco and to complete the table decor, a remote control.

Made Leon's favorite - Carrot Cake - recipe at Dinner's Ready.  The three candles are symbolic - symbolic of the fact that I could only scrounge up three candles from the junk drawer.  Leon didn't even wait for me to light the candles and do things properly - as soon as the coffee was done, he cut the cake and dished us both a piece.  Not bad.

Leon, I wish you a Happy Birthday with all my love, Frank.  And as you always quote the great ones, "Who loves ya babe?"

New Yorker Link

Thanks to Russ a Blue Truck Red State
 - The New Yorker Magazine "The Choice" - expounding Obama's achievements and his opponents promises to undo them;  it makes a case for the urgency of Mr. Obama's re-election in view of the dangers presented by the alternative.

Some Relief or Re-Leaf From All The Politics

It's almost 9PM and I don't know if I have the stomach or the emotional fortitude to watch another debate.  Here are some pics I took today.

Taken on "AUTO" setting

Same view on "MANUAL" setting

Freedom From Religion

I've been reading and viewing video about the Mormon church.  It is unbelievable that any mainstream Protestants or Catholics, in particular, or even the Republican Party have thrown their lot in with the likes of the Republican candidate.  If you think Catholicism is a bit archaic, cult-like or ritualistic, at least its churches and rituals are open and "public".  I know people were worried about JFK becoming president because of his strong Catholic faith, but thankfully it was  at a time when the Catholic church was less aggressive about its politics and was more interested in social justice and the option for the poor.

Yes, we have freedom of religion in this country (I think) but will we really ever have a government that is free OF religion?

The Republican candidate apparently holds some really bizarre beliefs - some pretty scary beliefs, at that.  They make JFK's Catholicism pale by comparison.   See Joe My God and other links from there.

P.S.  For a little chuckle, the Sunday Funnies are always good over at I Should Be Laughing.

Debates Are Obsolete

Here's a suggestion:

Instead of holding political debates, why not just formulate pertinent and intelligent questions and submit them directly to independent, unaffiliated fact checkers.  Granted, this would remove most of the entertainment value of debates and much of the "who's the bigger liar" commentary from the political blogs.

And while we're at it, why not require all political advertising to be submitted to the same fact checking scrutiny?  Maybe we'd finally be able to believe some of the ads that we are bombarded with.

Here's one site to check out: PolitiFact

Is the Country Headed in the Wrong Direction?

 No pollster has ever called me on the phone to ask me whether I think the country is headed in the wrong direction.

If they did, I would hesitate and ask them "What exactly do you mean by that question?"  I think it is a meaningless, ambiguous, poorly worded question.

You hear the question quoted in polling reports: "X% of those polled believe the country is headed in the wrong direction."  What does that mean?

Purportedly it is some indication of where the leadership is moving the country's politics, culture, economy, values, consciousness.  Or where the leadership is failing to move the country.  Or how closely we are to paradise or hell in a hand-basket.

But what leadership?  The President?  The Congress?  The Churches?  Hollywood?  The Courts?  The Corporations?  The Financial Gurus?  The data are easily used to support anyone's bias.

The "wrong direction" in my opinion might be the "right direction" in your opinion.  Or both.  At the same time.  Maybe I agree  that we are moving in the right direction toward a more equitable society as more states legalize same-gender civil marriage, but in the wrong direction as more conservative anti-gay, pro-DOMA congresspersons get elected.  Maybe I agree that we are moving in the right direction with the Affordable Care Act - but in the wrong direction for not adopting Universal Health Care.

Or, maybe I don't think the country is moving in any direction - that it is stagnant and caught-up in a quagmire of rhetoric and imploding from the weight of concrete ideologies.

So why do they keep asking people this stupid question?

Debate

Poorly moderated debate - is Lehrer not capable of enforcing time limits?; poorly worded questions - Lehrer seemed to be stumbling over his own wording.  The republican clearly dominated and did not respect the moderator's limits.  Obama was unfocused and wishy-washy.  It was as if he was saying the other candidate's diatribe and lies did not deserve a response.  But he did not refute anything of substance.

As usual, the questions quickly became irrelevant because the debate was all talking points - what the candidates want to say about the topics they wanted to address - OVER AND OVER.  Romney was clearly better with this tactic. It was painful to watch.  I hope the fact checkers are busy.  And I hope the moderator has a gavel  - or better, a freakin' LOUD buzzer that no one can talk over - next time.

Autumn Is In The Air

This  song was played at the end of this week's episode of ABC's The Middle, a cute family comedy that gay people don't seem to watch.  I hadn't heard the song in years - for some reason it doesn't get air time on the oldies stations.

A Few Photos of Lambda Car Club Rehoboth 2012

The "Straight Eights" Chapter of Lambda Car Club (Baltimore/Washington DC) held its grand invitational meet in Rehoboth.  Here are a few photos, compliments of Leon (LeBaron).  I am not the car buff in the family, but I know some of you guys just love this stuff.  Just a plug here for our chapter - Lambda Car Club Nutmeg Chapter (Connecticut).

Perhaps the best thing about being gone to Delaware for five days was that I didn't watch the news or read blogs about the presidential race.  I caught up on The Opponent's stupidity today... let's see, now, Why don't the windows in jet planes open so you can get some fresh air in case of a fire?  Gosh, we shouldn't pick on him, this campaigning stuff is hard to do.