The Grinch Who Lives in Our House

 I’ve gone back to re-read my Christmas blog posts for several years. 

 Christmas Past - Blog Posts

About having conflicted feelings about the holiday, about religion, about doing traditional foods and customs, about commercialism, about Christmas cards (Ugh!) etc. The themes seem to repeat almost every year.

I’ve not specifically mentioned that the holiday often triggers depression in me for some reason.

I don’t know if it is the inner conflict, the stress of the holiday preparations, an undiagnosed Seasonal Affective Disorder or, more likely a combination of the three.

(I’d been seeing a therapist for about a year or more until recently. We had discussed meds, but I’ve had disastrous results with psych poison in the past, thus my reluctance to go there again.) 

Most people don’t see that side of me. Mostly I’m friendly and have a good sense of humor around others. In private I’m rather contemplative and a bit obsessive about doing things like dinner for guests which is an activity that gives me both pleasure and angst.

My current obsession is over Christmas dinner for six. My mom always made lasagne or manicotti. I decided on lasagne “from scratch”- 2/3flour and 1/3semolina. I made one batch and rolled it by hand, which is fun, takes effort, but is time consuming; made the second batch with the pasta machine - much easier.

I also made the tomato sauce with pork and sausage and tiny meat balls (Polpettine di Carne) the way my mom used to make. I will also make a non-authentic Italian dish for the “secondo”. One of our guests has been saying how much he LOVES chicken parmesan. So I’ll make "pollo alla parmigiana” the way we used to make veal before it became 1) politically incorrect to slaughter cute little calves and 2) outrageously expensive.

I will likely serve both courses together because people are so used to the way Olive Garden serves meals all on one plate.

We will certainly have left-overs which will go into the freezer and will save me from cooking at least one more meal in the coming weeks. Guests are bringing salad and dessert.

I made cookies of course - the one time of the year I bake cookies. But the cookies didn’t come out that great this year…I’m losing my touch. The colored frosting got real funky and the chocolate frosting which is suppose to be smooth and shiny, came out thick and dull.

Oh well, I will be glad when Christmas is behind us for another year. No conflicted feelings about celebrating a religious holiday, no angst about how cheap and stingy I am or guilt about not sending EVERYONE a greeting card.

I’m sure Christmas dinner will be good, barring any disaster. Cooking is the one thing (cookies excluded) that I do well.

My Holiday Message to My three? four? five? Readers.

 As I won't be blogging tomorrow, I am sending my Holiday Greetings out today. Those who know me might also know that I am no longer an adherent to any religion and I often find the Christmas holiday to be a mixed bag, to put it mildly. 

People who otherwise have no religious affiliation or who are Christian in name only, make a big deal of the holiday, or should I say worship mainly at the Church of Consumerism for the holiday. I don't know. Perhaps Christmas is just more of a secular holiday than a religious one. In any case I am not inclined to celebrate it in either its religious or its secular aspect. BUT....

 ... My Italian-American heritage has left me with Catholic DNA in my make-up and so often the Italian and the Catholic are so intimately entwined as to be indistinguishable. There are innate urges, like those of the swallows that must return to Capistrano, that make me do things like make cookies and other holiday foods.

 I was thinking how, on Christmas Eve, in Catholic tradition, we were not to eat meat. In response to that directive, Italians invented the Feast of Seven Fishes, the evening (or day long) meal for the Vigilia di Natale, Christmas Eve that consisted of several (not necessarily seven) fish dishes.

I don't remember any reference to "seven" fishes when I was growing up but dad's mother always made bacala (salted cod that had to be soaked for days in water) and pesce stock (a dried, unsalted cod) as well as anchovies in fried bread (pizza fritta) and calamari in tomato sauce. Mom would make fried smelts and capitone, a large eel. So I can only come up with six! When we would have Christmas Eve at my house, I always made baked stuffed shrimp (7). But we never had all seven fishes in one meal.

My recent trip to Sprouts Market made me abandon all hope of having even one fresh fish entree for tonight ($$$). Besides, fresh seafood in New Mexico is suspect. We may have a chunk of breaded fish from the freezer section of Costco. And I have some bread dough and anchovies to fry. I do like the pizza fritta con alice (pronounced al-ee-chay).

As my days during Covid are pretty much occupied with some kind of health care appointment or another, grocery shopping (often curb-side pick-up) and my hobby:cooking, food is, fortunately or unfortunately, a recurring theme. Add gardening, more food, in season. So I make pasta, sauce, bread, cake, cookies. I can't help myself.

So on to Christmas dinner tomorrow. We invited four of our neighbors (Denise, Heather, Bruce and Katie) and will serve antipasto, homemade ravioli (I made 72 ravioli the other day, they're in the freezer) with meat sauce, beef-turkey meatballs, Italian sausage, salad, homemade bread, wine, coffee cake (mom's recipe for "Jewish" Coffee Cake with my substituting plain yogurt for the sour cream in the recipe) and ice cream. Maybe some aperitif or cordials. Leon bought whisky for Bruce. 

It won't be elegant as I don't do elegant very well. It will be Italian-peasant-festive style.

Yes, I had to sample a slice of the coffee cake to be  sure it was good enough for company.

We don't have a tree indoors but the pinon outside is decked out with found objects, Mardi Gras beads, old plastic baubles, ribbons and pine cones. Leon threw up some lights and I put out the "one-piece" Nativity set. I don't know how others find the energy to decorate, or enjoyment in decorating to the hilt for the Christmas holiday. I'm always relieved to put it all back in the garage and "get back to normal" after the New Year holiday.

The BVM belonged to mom...she survived the big windstorm last week that brought down half the huge juniper tree she has called her shrine for the past 6 years.

                     My all-in-one Nativity (before the wise men arrived)

So much for that. So here's my Holiday Greeting Card(s):

I made these 11"x14" cards for my cousin Rose, a teacher, now retired, about 35-40 years ago. She would use them in her classroom for singing the 12 Days of Christmas. She also brought them to family gatherings at the holidays to aid in the sing-a-long that she loved to lead. She recently sent them back to me after cleaning out her teaching materials. 

So here's wishing you all a Merry Christmas and a Delightful Twelve Days.

Peace, Love, Health, and stay Well,

From Frank and Leon

This Old Scrooge Thanks You

Just a short note to my readers: I got up this morning and was going to delete the long rant about my Christmas conflicts and inadequacies before anyone actually had a chance to read them. But alas, the cat was out of the bag so to speak and there were already comments from you all. 

So I just want to thank you for visiting and for the support your comments have provided. I don't know what gets into me at Christmas. Perhaps there are some repressed feelings or memories that come to the surface...but whatever.

I want to let you guys know that I enjoy visiting your blogs even if I don't always comment...sometimes I get so caught up just reading blogs and news items that the hours pass and I've not done anything away from the screen...

Enjoy your Holiday. Stay safe, stay well, and lets hope for better things in the New Year. I hope we can all get through to January 20th without further disasters. 

Tacky But Bright

The Yucca Lit Up

Our Rainbow Luminarias/Farolitos

 

Happy Holidays....Confessions of a Conflicted Scrooge

Leon and I want to wish you all a very Merry, Happy, Healthy and Blessed Christmas…or Hanukkah, or New Year… 

In this Strange and Unpredictable and often Bewildering Time, 

Even Christmas is not quite what it used to be. 

Very likely there will be no visitors coming or going, sharing drinks or coffee or cookies. 

 

I may be wrong about the no crowded department stores, no large family gatherings, no traveling to relatives for dinner, no packed Midnight Masses. At least for us that is the case.

For some, celebrating the Season with More and Brighter Decorations, More Lights and Ribbons and Bows will be an antidote to many long and stressful months.

    [For others of us, a low-key Holiday is more in keeping with our personalities or personal values. Leon decorated with lights outside; me, I've been cooking and baking but we have little in the way of decking the halls indoors. A Poinsettia and cards that others sent us. A Christmas table runner that my sister-in-law made. We gave her all our tree ornaments when we moved here, so no tree.

 

     Confession: I am not sending cards this season. I usually find it a chore, more stressful than satisfying. I used to enjoy sending cards, buying little gifts and stocking-stuffers and wrapping boxes and making bows. Now, not so much. Maybe it's age. Maybe it's just an existential feeling of performing empty rituals.

 

    Christmas always entails conflicting emotions for me. I grew up Italian Catholic or Catholic Italian, I'm not sure which, but the religious aspect of Christmas was always of great importance - Midnight Mass and all. And to be brief, while over the years I've been marginalized and rejected by my Catholic church and less inclined to embrace any religion, I find the the commercial, non-religious aspect of Christmas to be hypocritical. 

 

    Add to that the fact that I am the worst "consumer" you may ever meet and a horrible gift-giver, and even worse gift-receiver, I find the holiday to be most unpleasant. I cannot ever decide on a gift, and when I do, I am always doubting my choice: they'll think it's stupid, stingy, cheap, not thoughtful. It's ridiculous to spend that kind of money on THAT. So, yes, it's stingy. I'll talk myself out of whatever choice I make, time runs out and I get very anxious. I really hate Christmas. Maybe it's the anxiety that I find too difficult to tolerate. When I receive a gift, my thought is "why did they spend so much money, why did they get me more junk I don't need, dust collectors, stuff that will go in a closet or the garage, or to Goodwill. What will I do with this? And why am I so stingy and unwilling to go out of my way?" And then I feel guilty for not doing anything, not doing enough, not doing more, not having the "spirit".

 

     More stressful than satisfying.

 

     If I celebrate the Holiday at all it tends to be about the food...the Italian in me is stronger than the Catholic in me. I spend hours making cookies, bread dough, fish, meatballs, ragu, lasagna. If I give away cookies, I never give enough. When others give us cookies, they give twice or three times as much. I can't seem to get the ritual right. I'm so stingy. Makes me feel anxious and bad. I really hate Christmas. More stressful than satisfying.]

 

 

So....Whichever way you choose to Observe the Feast Day, the Holiday, the New Year, We wish You and Your Loved Ones, Joy and Peace and Love. 

 

Buon Natale, Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, 

Feliz Natal, Joyeux Noel

Happy Hanukkah

 

Happy New Year (we can only Hope!)

And I would like to share with you two favorite Italian/Catholic Christmas/Seasonal songs:

 Tu Scendi Dalle Stelle (Luciano Pavarotti) and Ave Maria (Il Volo). (Click the links...Some of you may especially enjoy the Video of the Italian Trio, Il Volo)

 

 

 

A Christmas Video From My Niece...Sorry I'm Posting So Late

An original song and music by Andrea DeFrancesco 

My Hubby Has A Cool Job

How many people see LongHorn Sheep at the office? 

This herd of sheep was passing through Kasha Katuwe-Tent Rocks National Monument in New Mexico this afternoon. It was the first time hubby has seen this spectacle since joining the ranger staff almost four years ago.

Sometimes it's just refreshing to see the natural world carrying on as if nothing is happening of importance in the world of us humans. 

This would be fine if we weren't slowly destroying the natural world these beautiful creatures call home...that we too call home. 

Wishing you all a wonderful Holiday Season. May we find solace and peace and comfort in the beauty of nature and in the company of our loved ones. Peace.

A Charlie Brown Christmas Tree

Anyone who knows me, knows that Christmas is not my favorite holiday...for reasons I won't go into.

But we usually do a little holiday decoration here and there: lights mostly, some greens, a ceramic tree that Leon's had for ages, a couple of stockings by the fireplace and a little one-piece sculpted nativity scene.

I heard that anyone with a saw and $10 could get a permit to cut a tree in the National Forest here in New Mexico.

So, in an effort to do my part in the monumental job of forest management, I decided that we (Leon and I and two of our friends) should go on a tree hunting expedition. I wasn't in it so much for the tree as for the day out and a little adventure.

One of our friends slipping and sliding

When we stopped at the ranger station to get our permit, I paid our $10, got a map and informed the clerk/ranger that I had, unfortunately, forgotten to bring along a rake (like in Finland?). She smiled and said, no problem.

So we were off into the Pecos woods in the Ford pickup, through snow and mud (sorry for all that mud on your truck, Leon), in search of a worthy tree.

The pines are nice, but way too big, and not right for a Christmas tree.

One of our friends trekking through snow.

Maybe we didn't drive far enough up the mountain because the trees were not really great specimens for   holiday decorating. Plenty of pines but nothing like a Douglas Fir or spruce. Not sure what type of evergreen we were finding but here is what we got. (I probably wouldn't have paid $10 for it at the corner gas station, but the getting it was worth the price).

Our "Charlie Brown" Tree

This wasn't the first for us: see here, and here.

Got a Pic of a Trio of Deer on Our Way Out

It will go out in the courtyard for the season. I'm not sure if it is even strong enough to hold a string of lights.

Well, it's not the Rockefeller Plaza tree, but it was a fun day out and we all stopped for a late lunch on the way home. Just enjoyed the ride and the company. And, well, forest management, you know.

Wishing You Two Turtle Doves And A Partridge In A Pear Tree - An Update On Life In Cochiti Lake

Our Fireplace -
I've Never Lived in a Home With A Fireplace

NOTE: have not been posting as we won't be getting internet until Tuesday, if all goes well; and posting by iPhone is, well, I just don't often think of doing so.)

Don't envy us, we have winter here full throttle. It is 25 degrees out now (7:38pm). And the cold will be with us at least through the week. Yeah, you all are going to the beach in Connecticut.

Fortunately Cochiti Lake is in an area sheltered from the more severe weather around the state. We have a dusting of snow here and some fairly strong winds. This could all change by tomorrow morning, but we hope to avoid the worst of the storm and most of the snow. Roswell, considerably south of here, is getting the brunt of the storm and like 10 inches of snow.

Go figure. At least we don't have a 300 foot driveway.

The lights have flickered off for a second twice this evening, so I am wondering how the grid is here and whether we are dependent upon some power relay from Albuquerque where the storm is more severe. Oh, well.

We have been sprucing up the new homestead, pained the kitchen greens and the fireplace a yellow/gold. Bought a love seat that opens into a twin bed for guests. Much cleaning, cleaning, unpacking, arranging, finding a spot for everything...we got rid of so much STUFF back in Connecticut, but we still have stuff in the garage that we can't bring in.

We had six guests (Len and Sam, Wendy and Don, and Linda and Angie) over on Christmas Eve and went to a neighbor's for Christmas Day dinner where there were ten neighbors (including us) for dinner. Forgive me, I am not one to take photos of dinner guests. Suffice it to say a few have had most interesting lives and tales to tell.

We've been here four weeks and we know more people in our neighborhood here than we knew in fifteen years in Bristol. Living in a small town in close proximity to others will have it's good points and...a bit less privacy than we were used to.

Being 35 miles from anything means having to plan out trips to Santa Fe or Albuquerque. We have a gas station here and a convenience store. One doesn't mind paying $6.50 for half gallon of ice cream when one must. We also can't just run out for Chinese whenever we feel like it.

We took a nice long hike yesterday on the Dome Road (but we have yet to explore this road all the way to Los Alamos) and again this afternoon on the trail off of Koorani Street. The views change with the sun and the daylight.

We have to go get two more license plates and driver's licenses on Monday. By registering our vehicles we will get off the tax rolls in Bristol. There is no property tax on vehicles here.

But I will be paying some increased cost for Medicare, I believe; and Leon will be paying a bit more for health insurance too. Blue Cross assigned me a doctor in Los Alamos which the Blue Cross doesn't realize would take an hour longer to drive to than Santa Fe even though it is closer if I were a crow.

We have yet to see a bill for electricity and natural gas. Food prices are much higher here I think, though residents from other states like Alaska and Texas say food is cheaper. There is no Shop RIte or Ocean State Job Lot. There is a Big Lots and all of the major chain stores and a gazillion stores one has never heard of with more shopping than anywhere in Connecticut. (Imagine the Berlin Turnpike x 100 for Albuquerque and maybe x 30 for Santa Fe). Lots of restaurants too.

But not much in between, and Cochiti Lake is pretty much in between. In addition to the gas station and convenience store there is a PGA golf course with a pretty good restaurant and a very nice library. A writer's group will be meeting in January and there are a number of other interest groups that meet here also.

Believe it or not, I've only had a meal with green chili once in the month we've been in New Mexico. And I'm not complaining.

On the Dome Road

On the Dome Road from Cochiti Lake

Love the Color of the Lichen/Fungus on this Rock

Cochiti Lake

The 5-Mile Earth Dam - One of the Largest in the US
Holding Back the Rio Grand to Form Cochiti Lake

Benni with a Stick of Course

Junk in the Garage