Off the Grid Again - Vermont - Rock River - Ledges

I've been spending time at our camper in a spot in Vermont where I've been off the grid and where I'd have to travel thirty minutes to find free wifi.

I don't own a smart phone with a hot spot or whatever, so haven't been able to access the internet very often. So I haven't been keeping up with you bloggers out there.

I've gone five days at a time without checking email - can you imagine! And to tell you the truth, its been nice. And I haven't always had my camera handy, so don't have many pics to post today.

Have been hiking and swimming au naturel with the dog as one can do in Vermont, but not in stodgy Connecticut, and working on my book: "Did You Ever See A Horse Go By - A Coming Out Memoir" which is in it's final edit. So, it's been good and summer is flying by.

Where I really want to be is in Provincetown, at the campground there, but that is way too expensive for a prolonged stay. We will be going later in the summer for  week or two.

Gotta go.....

The Garden

The Garden

Rock River

Rock River Before the Crowd Got There

Lake Harriman - The Ledges

A Wedding

Leon and I attended our first same-sex wedding since the recent Supreme Court decision. We have known Joyce and Robin for 25 years; actually I met Robin before she met Joyce and before I met Leon, so we go back a ways. They decided to get married as soon as it became recognized by the Federal Government and asked Leon and I to stand up for them. We were honored to do so.

Twenty-five years ago we could not have imagined that there would be such an event to celebrate. All the gay and lesbian "we's" were happy to have found one another and that was that.

Today, two of our closest friends celebrated their lifelong commitment to one another in a civil ceremony which gave legal recognition to that commitment and their love.

What made it even more amazing were the number of people attending the wedding and celebrating with them - about 60 to 70 - most of whom were heterosexual - and who took the ceremony and the celebration as perfectly matter of fact and without reservation. The younger folks in the crowd were most enlightened in their ability to see same-sex marriage as, they would say, "a no-brainer" and anyone who would object as being totally on the wrong side of history.

What a wonderful, inspiring, joyful day! I wish Robin and Joyce all the happiness life can give and many more years together.

Beau dressed up for the wedding too

I Made the Sign and Leon Decked out his LeBaron for the Occasion

Robin's Brother Escorting the Brides

Robin and Joyce

The vows were very simple, "I, (Joyce/Robin) take you (Robin/Joyce) to be my lifelong spouse. I will support, honor and cherish you through all the circumstances we may face, and I will never stop celebrating our love."

 The ceremony concluded with an Apache Wedding Blessing:

Now you will feel no rain,

For each of you will be shelter for the other

Now you will feel no cold,

For each of you will be warmth for the other

Now there is no loneliness

Now you are two persons,

But there is only one life before you

May your days together be good and long upon the earth

Joyce With A Baseball Cap Bridal Veil

Leon with the Veil

Joyce's Niece Elizabeth, Leon, Joyce, Robin, Robin's Mom, Me

Congratulations, Joyce and Robin

There was lots of good food.

Cutting the Cakes

"Wouldn't It Be Nice"

Wouldn't it be nice if we were older

Then we wouldn't have to wait so long

And wouldn't it be nice to live together

In the kind of world where we belong

You know its gonna make it that much better

When we can say goodnight and stay together

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up

In the morning when the day is new

And after having spent the day together

Hold each other close the whole night through

Happy times together we've been spending

I wish that every kiss was neverending

Wouldn't it be nice

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true

Baby then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't do

We could be married

And then we'd be happy

Wouldn't it be nice

You know it seems the more we talk about it

It only makes it worse to live without it

But lets talk about it

Wouldn't it be nice

Good night my baby

Sleep tight my baby

Gay Pride Month - We Are Not There Yet - A Link To Back2Stonewall

The SCOTUS decisions on Prop 8 and DOMA are historic, but they steps toward a goal that has not yet been reached. I have used the term bittersweet - and for some, those in marriage equality states, the recent ruling may be sweet; but for those in states without marriage equality the rulings have to leave a bitter taste and a realization that they/we have more work to do, hard work to do and more time to wait for results. For us, this is still not quite a "United" States.

Also, in light of the other Supreme Court decision this week that limits/restricts the historic Voting Rights Act, be aware of the possibility that in some unforeseen, unexpected way, expanded civil rights for LGBT's can be restricted by some future court ruling.

 Here is an article from Back2Stonewall

Gay Pride Month "Out of the Closets - Voices of Gay Liberation" a review of sorts: Part 2

As we await the Supreme Court decisions on Prop 8 and DOMA we should be aware of how far we've come and that the struggle is not over.

Lest we forget:

From Out of the Closets, "My Soul Vanished From Sight: A California Saga of Gay Liberation" by Konstantin Berlandt
The bars are havens for that until-that-day crowd... 
Limits: No dancing except in the back, no dancing close, no kissing. The bar is owned by a gay commune who work together to keep it open. Jim, one of the owners pulls Neil and me apart, "If you want to do that, go home and do it." Your kiss is obscene! 
... 
Outside on the street the men from the bar separate, no touching, thaey walk off  passing as straight men. The bedroom is a closet, the bar is a closet, the closet is a jail cell. You're let out if you can go straight, act straight, and don't get caught.


From Out of the Closets, "The Closet Syndrome" by Stuart Byron
From the beginning of the gay liberation movement, the Stonewall riots of June 1969, the Times and other elements of the mass media have misunderstood just how traumatic and new and courageous is "coming out." It is famous that the riots were covered in the Times on inside pages while at the same time - the very same time - front page attention was being given to some trees chopped down by vigilantes in a homosexual cruising area in Queens. In the perspective of events, of course, the paper was dead wrong: the Queens trees represent a minor incident in gay history; the Stonewall began a movement and an era.

Gay Pride Month - Before Stonewall - A Song by Ten Percent Review

Happy Gay Pride Month!

Here is a very moving song by Ten Percent Review/Tom Wilson Weinberg*
with some of my own photos of Gay Pride and Rainbow flags. Remembering those who came before us and our own part in the struggle for equal rights.

 

 

*Just a note about Ten Percent Review: I bought their tape at a Gay Pride event back in the 1980's and I purchased the digital album recently. Their songs are fun, irreverent, political, and just plain gay.

I like their take on the Supreme Court and the Supremes: "Ain't no court supreme enough to keep me from my dreams". 

And my favorite is the Wedding Song, "We had no wedding, no ceremony, no matrimony, we're just we"; which for many of us rings true - at least until recently in some states, and hopefully in all the US soon.

Gay Pride Month "Out of the Closets - Voices of Gay Liberation" a review of sorts

In celebration of Gay Pride, and to provide a bit of perspective on our collective gay history, I have decided to post a few quotes from a book I am reading called Out of the Closets, Voices of Gay Liberation copyright 1972 by Karla Jay and Allen Young, Editors. Published by Douglas Book Corporation. (Available on Amazon)

The book gives a historical perspective of the LGBT civil rights movement and is a series of snapshots written by a variety of authors each with a different viewpoint on the thought and struggle as it was in the late 1960's and early 70's.

I picked up the book last summer at the Provincetown United Methodist Church Thrift Shop - a great place to find some interesting books.

I am fascinated by Gay history and the Gay Lib era: such documentaries as Before Stonewall (unfortunately not currently available on Netflix) and books like Out of the Closets, provide important lessons that we should ensure get passed to future generations along with more recent and historical landmark changes and current progress being brought about by the marriage equality movement.

We have definitely come a long way since 1972. But there is, I think, something essential and valuable about Gay Liberation that has been lost or forgotten.  I have said this before in other essays and still believe in its validity: In some ways, the Gay Liberation movement was a radical experiment that was aborted by the AIDS Crisis.

The experiment was, I think, headed in a very different direction from the current path of marriage equality. Perhaps we would have eventually ended up exactly where we are now without the powerful influence of HIV/AIDS intervening - a twist in gay history that outed many individuals against their will and which brought homosexuality into the news and into the consciousness of the larger society.

HIV/AIDS ignited a new activism that had its roots in Gay Liberation - and in the earlier Civil Rights movement in which many gay and lesbian persons were involved and for which they felt a great affinity.

Historical events (philosophically we can debate whether they were random or inevitable events),  certainly have  conspired to bring us where we are today. In spite of the mainstreaming of the LGBT community - and I'm not convinced we have been entirely mainstreamed or that mainstreaming is what we would all prefer or want - we still experience the ignorance, hate and prejudice of those who do not understand us, who will not hear us, and who believe in their own moral superiority. We are in many ways still facing the same issues as the writers in Out of the Closets.

Marriage equality on a national level will certainly improve the legal status of our relationships but will not necessarily make us equal in the eyes of everyone on the planet. Look at the riots in France, the lawmakers in Uganda, the executions in Muslim nations, and at the discrimination by religious believers in the US - whether its brutal gay bashings and murder in Greenwich Village or the Catholic Church firing employees who marry a same gender partner or a bakery owner who refuses to sell a wedding cake to a same-gender couple. Our lived experience is discounted, ignored, devalued and ridiculed on a daily basis.

So here is  a bit of gay historical perspective: (I am quoting the following passages without permission of the authors under the "Fair Use" provision of copyright law)

From Out of the Closets: here's what Martha Shelly said in the chapter Gay is Good (originally published in Rat February 24,1970; copyright 1970 by Rat):

Understand this - that the worst part of being a homosexual is having to keep it a secret. Not the occasional murders by police or teenage queer-beaters, not the loss of jobs or the expulsion from schools or dishonorable discharges - but the daily knowledge that what you are is so awful that it cannot be revealed. The violence against us is sporadic. Most of us are not affectd. But the internal violence of being made to carry - or choosing to carry - the load of your straight society's unconscious guilt - this is what tears us apart, what makes us want to stand up in the offices, in the factories and schools, and shout out our true identities.

We were rebels from our earliest days - somewhere, maybe just about the time we started to go to school, we rejected straight society - unconsciously...The homosexuals who hide, who play it straight, or pretend that the issue of homosexuality is unimportant, are only hiding the truth from themselves. They are trying to become a part of a society that they rejected instinctively when they were five years old, to pretend it is the result of heredity, or a bad mother, or anything but a gut reaction of nausea against the roles forced on us.

From Out of the Closets: here's what Charles P. Thorp has to say in a chapter called I.D., Leadership and Violence from a keynote speech for the National Students' Liberation front Conference, San Francisco, August 21, 1970:

We have come to see that it is the fairies, faggots queens, etc. that were, through their blatentness (sic), the first to challenge the system.  In essence they were saying they had a right to be Super-Gay because Blatent (sic) is Beautiful We also know that it will not be until what straights call "blatent (sic) behavior is accepted with respect that we are in any sense, any of us, free. For it is Blatent (sic) Faggotry that they really hate. We are all blatent (sic), unless we're ashamed of being Gay and this is why we are all hated.

We may be liberated, we may be out and proud, we may be mainstreamed and married, but we mustn't let our guard down. We mustn't be complacent. Don't mistake lip service and legal protections for acceptance (not to say that acceptance is our goal) or tolerance for understanding, or acceptance for love, because the truth is that straight folk, even the most liberal and progressive, don't really "get it", don't really get us.

Happily, many youngsters are finding the courage at a young age to come out and to shout out their true identities; unfortunately many others who live under still oppressive cultural and religious beliefs see suicide as their only option. This is unacceptable and those institutions and individuals who persist in demonizing LGBT individuals and our sexuality must be held accountable for taking innocent lives.

- Reluctant Rebel, but rebel nonetheless.

Just A Link

A Link to an article in Salon by Mary Elizabeth Williams on the latest US Catholic bishops campaign against marriage equality.

What I've Been Doing This Week

Replaced a number of cracked slate slabs in the patio which necessitated re-configuring the whole thing. Of course all the slate is salvaged and none are exactly the same size or shape.  And, as much as I don't like jigsaw puzzles, it's kept me away from the the internet some.  The weather has been spectacular and I feel much better psychologically and physically.  I'm also down 20 pounds since Thanksgiving.

Shop Closed Indefinitely

In case you didn't get the gist of the last rambling post, I'm closing up shop here for a while - while I get some R&R&R&R (Rest, Relaxation, Re-Creation, Recuperation and any other R that might do me some good - not counting on any Remuneration at all, but who knows?)

Stream of UnConsciousness - Nothing Sacred - Kill the Buddha - Till Next Time

Poem by College Buddy Dennis Ryan 1968 
As He Went Off To The Peace Corps

A Banner I Made for Dignity - Use a Gay Interpretation of Eph 3:16
"May He Give  You The Power 
Through His Spirit 
For Your Hidden Self To Grow Strong"

I remember the lessons about Holy Communion that I was taught when I was a kid in Catholic grade school. 

The priest was the only one who could touch the Sacred Host because his thumb and index finger had been consecrated (made sacred). To drive home this lesson we were told of a missionary priest whose thumbs and forefingers had been cut off by heathens who were determined to keep him from saying Mass.  He got a special dispensation. 

(what a wonderful "Catholic" word - dispensation - better than "permission" because it implies being able to do something that might otherwise carry the consequences of sin and get away with it without having to go to purgatory or even hell; wouldn't it have been wonderful to get a dispensation to masturbate when we were teenagers? But I digress.) 

The missionary was allowed to have his middle and ring fingers "consecrated" so that he could continue to say Mass and touch the Eucharist.

But of course, I was puzzled because the communion wafer was placed on my tongue, which had not, to the best of my knowledge, ever been consecrated. 

I remember one time when the priest dropped a consecrated Eucharistic wafer on the floor while giving out communion. He stopped what he was doing and covered the host - or the spot where the host fell - with a white linen cloth until the service was over.  He then he returned with an altar boy holding holy water and a prayerbook.  The priest recited several Latin prayers from the book and sprinkled the area with Holy Water - water that had been blessed and made sacred also.  I imagined that this ritual somehow neutralized the spot that the host had touched or neutralized the clumsiness of the priest or made apologies to the Body of Christ that had hit the floor.  

It was kind of cool being in the Catholic Church back then - we were surrounded by things that were holy, blessed, consecrated and sacred. 

Not many years later, communicants were allowed to receive Holy Communion in their own hands, pick it up with their own fingers and place it in their own mouths - hands and fingers mind you, that had not been "consecrated". 

Was this the beginning of the unraveling of the illusion of the Sacred?  Some conservative Catholics might think so and with dismay and consternation.

Personally I think it is most important to hold nothing sacred - to finally hold nothing sacred - in order to perhaps truly experience the sacred.

Not to be rid of the golden calf, the hallowed ground, the flag, the tombs, the scriptures, the relics, the places of worship - but to cease holding such symbols sacred will perhaps free us to experience the sacred.  Because these things are meant to merely point to the sacred, not be held sacred in and of themselves.

I couldn't explain what I mean by that, so I am not even going to try.  Except that I don't think things and symbols and places are sacred - only that if we look more closely we may discover what those things are really pointing to - what it is that we should be in awe of and what is truly greater than.

I am reminded of the admonition to "Kill the Buddha" if you meet him on the road.  Not exactly in the same vein of thought, but somehow similar.  The saying is to remind us that there are impostors in every age.  Perhaps those objects and symbols which we hold sacred are impostors as well.  

*   *   *   *   *

A Zen koan asks "Does a dog have a Buddha nature?" 
I look at my Labrador Retriever. 
"Mu". 
I laugh out loud uncontrollably! 

*   *   *   *   *

In his book, If You Meet the Budha on the Road, Kill Him © by psychotherapist and author Sheldon Kopp (1929 – 1999), he lists a number of "truths" - his "Eschatological Laundry List" to which I have made some annotations:

1. This is it!
At least for a while - I need a break

2. There are no hidden meanings.
And we are quite foolish to keep looking

3. You can’t get there from here, and besides there’s no place else to go.
Assuming there is actually a "here" and a "there" - that's why there's no where else to go

4. We are all already dying, and we will be dead for a long time.
Some of us are already dead, but don't know it yet. Amen

5. Nothing lasts.
Just look at mom's special tea cup that you've treasured since forever - a hundred shards on the kitchen floor

6. There is no way of getting all you want.
Yet others keep taking what little you might have in order to prove this wrong

7. You can’t have anything unless you let go of it.
Yeah, like letting the butterfly go . . . I never did get that

8. You only get to keep what you give away.
That has to involve some serious sleight of hand

9. There is no particular reason why you lost out on some things.
Except you were in the wrong place at the right time, or your parents were poor or you were the ugliest kid in school - but those aren't reasons, just excuses

10. The world is not necessarily just. Being good often does not pay off and there is no compensation for misfortune. 
Oh, so that's why I don't have a pension

11. You have a responsibility to do your best nonetheless. 
I try

12. It is a random universe to which we bring meaning. 
"Spinning wheel got to go round"

13. You don’t really control anything. 
But are they controlling you?

14. You can’t make anyone love you. 
So why would you even try?

15. No one is any stronger or any weaker than anyone else. 
But there are plenty of people who would have you believe differently

16. Everyone is, in his own way, vulnerable.
But some can afford better armor

17. There are no great men.
Well, maybe a few, and some great women too

18. If you have a hero, look again: you have diminished yourself in some way.
I never did go in for those Marvel Comics
 
19. Everyone lies, cheats, pretends (yes, you too, and most certainly I myself).
Well that about covers it

20. All evil is potential vitality in need of transformation.
I think I need to find some pot in order to contemplate this one

21. All of you is worth something, if you will only own it.
If I could afford it, I might own it - for what it's worth

22. Progress is an illusion.
Especially in light of global warming

23. Evil can be displaced but never eradicated, as all solutions breed new problems.
And our illustrious US Congress is such a shining example of this

24. Yet it is necessary to keep on struggling toward solution.
Barring a filibuster

25. Childhood is a nightmare.
I remember the day I got kidnapped and taken to the optometrist to get my first pair of glasses - wearing glasses back then was like wearing a sign that said kick me and laugh

26. But it is so very hard to be an on-your-own-take-care-of-yourself-cause-there-is-no-one-else-to-do-it-for-you grown-up.
Grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, vacuuming, mopping, walking the dog - a woman's work is NEVER done

27. Each of us is ultimately alone.
I am reminded as he snores through the night while I lie awake

28. The most important things, each man must do for himself.
Shit, shower and shave

29. Love is not enough, but it sure helps.
Ditto for sex

30. We have only ourselves, and one another. That may not be much, but that’s all there is.

"Cause you got me, and baby I got you"

31. How strange, that so often, it all seems worth it. 
Remember last Thursday?

32. We must live within the ambiguity of partial freedom, partial power, and partial knowledge. 
That's very intellectual - but I really don't know what you mean by partial freedom and partial power - but I think I understand part of what you're saying

33. All important decisions must be made on the basis of insufficient data.
Back to the illustrious US Congress - talk about insufficient data but no lack of opinion

34. Yet we are responsible for everything we do.
Tell THAT to the US Congress

35. No excuses will be accepted.
You've GOT to be kidding

36. You can run, but you can’t hide.
They ran for Congress and I'll bet there are a good number of them hiding in the bathroom when it's time to explain in front of reporters

37. It is most important to run out of scapegoats.
But, don't worry, there will always be "the gays"

38. We must learn the power of living with our helplessness.
Now that's encouraging and intriguing - just what kind of power are we talking about?
 
39. The only victory lies in surrender to oneself.
I give up

40. All of the significant battles are waged within the self.
Those white blood cells are fighting mad

41. You are free to do whatever you like. You need only face the consequences.
Oops

42. What do you know…for sure…anyway?
I've already told you: grandma said "you don't know nothing yet"

43. Learn to forgive yourself, again and again and again and again…
I'm sorry, no problem, I'm sorry, that's OK, I'm sorry, enough already

So, you see, even Sheldon Kopp's Laundry List isn't sacred.  Back to
1. This is it! 
At least for a while - I need a break. 

Honestly, I think the blogosphere is making me terribly depressed.  It is like an addiction to some nasty downers that never let up - on the one hand, I feel that I must be responsibly informed, yet, on the other,  I do not feel empowered by the knowledge I acquire about our society, our government, our churches.  

The more I read, the more powerless and hopeless I sometimes feel, despite the occasional good news.  And it is time-consuming as well.  The blogosphere sucks up a good part of my day - not so much writing but mostly reading, watching video clips on timely topics, and going from this to that.

Remember, there was a time before internet, a time when things seemed to be in better, or at least a more comfortable, perspective.  A time of innocence...

Time it was, and what a time it was, it was 

A time of innocence, A time of confidences 

Long ago, it must be, I have a photograph 

Preserve your memories; They're all that's left you

I Hate Hip-Hop and Rap - But Even I Can Be A Little Open-minded

Annette Funicello

Growing up in the 50's and 60's with the Mickey Mouse Club and Disney, I was never a great fan of Annette.  I thought she was too popular, too stuck up, a snob and a tease.

The fact that Annette was Italian-American made her more familiar to me - perhaps because I grew up with a slew of female cousins and Annette could have been one of them - and made her more of an icon, a caricature of Italian-American adolescence.

I couldn't articulate it then, but I think Annette represented the entire heterosexual world of teens and preteens - a world I could not relate to in the least - but a world that I envied at some level - not because I wanted to be like them (the straight kids), but because their budding sexuality was being celebrated in movies and music everywhere you looked.  Their "normality" was held up as an ideal, as proof of their inherent potential to fulfill their parents' and society's dreams and visions.

Watching movies and TV, I remained an outsider, looking in at the "normal" world, a world where the likes of Annette made boys weak in the knees and caused them to act like idiots.  That was disturbing.

Annette was sexy in a modest way but wore her virginity belt with a security lock that could stave off even the sexiest and most persistent boys on the beach.  I was not attracted to Annette, but I was attracted to some of the boys she put off.

To be fair, I must admit that over the years I have come to admire and respect the woman that Annette Funicello became.  She was a decent and courageous woman.  I don't know what she thought of the LGBT community and perhaps I don't care.  I do know that in more recent interviews, since she came out with her MS, she has demonstrated that courage and dignity and poise that I admire in strong women - in men as well, but in women especially.

I think Annette should be made an honorary Diva, if she is not one already.  Good-bye Annette and thank you.

From My File Cabinet - 9 - "Some Letters to TS"

"LIFE SHOULD BE SO SIMPLE"

To T.S.

10 April 1972

            Anyhow, you still planning to quit and go back to Ohio?  I guess it’s the spring migration.  Like the swallows (or whatever they are) that return to Capistrano, it’s in our blood to return to the place of our birth.  Being away, we are restless.

           

            It’s as though we once left something behind.  It’s there, somewhere on a summer afternoon, or perhaps an evening with the sun’s warmth still in our bones.  Not being sure of exactly what it is, we return to search for it . . . until, year after year, it gets farther away, until we’re not really sure there’s anything there or we forget why we came.

            Right now, I think it’s on the sand, among the reeds, like a footprint never to be found after so many years . . .

*   *   *  *   *

To T.S.

March 1973

            Just heard on the radio that the swallows once again returned to Capistrano, as always on the Feast of Saint Joseph, 19 March . . . happened to mention it to a few people – they were unimpressed.  As for me, I think it’s beautiful.  I can’t describe the feeling it gives me to know those swallows return faithfully, while people stand and watch in amazement and delight.

            The sap is running – slowly but steadily filling coffee cans on the sugar maple in the back yard.  Hope to make a cup or so of syrup.  The nights haven’t been very cold but the days have been extremely warm, between 60 and 70.  Yesterday we started a bit of a cold spell.  Perhaps it will be good for sugaring . . .

            The tomato seedlings are sitting in the sunny bedroom window photosynthesizing along with the sweet basil . . . toward a delicious tomato sauce, I’m sure.  The garden awaits the turning and the manure to ready it for tomatoes and squash, peppers and beans, lettuce and chard, parsley, basil and beets, perhaps some eggplant and pumpkin and cucumbers . . . I guess I’ll have to widen the plot by two or three feet and plant the pumpkins in a patch off to the side . . . almost half the backyard would go to garden if I had the time . . . so many good things to plant and nurse and to watch grow and blossom and bear fruit.

            Which reminds me: it’ll soon be time to go off to the green fields and meadows for frest tender dandelions . . . great in salad, better cooked like spinach with oil and garlic (just a little) or with butter; best cooked with white kidney beans and ham hocks and a bit of red pepper, just for taste.  It takes a lot of dandelions for a big pot of greens.

            I’ve made friends with the little brown and white dog next door . . . she’s so timid, but was brave enough to suffer a few pats on the head . . . has since been eager to hear a few words from me on my way to work and again in the evening on my return.  We’re now separated by a greater distance as her master has moved her quarters a few yards: with the fence and her chains she’ll have to forego the occasional pat on the head and settle for a friendly whistle and a few kind words.  Her barking and wagging tail make me smile . . .

            Life should be so simple.  That’s about all the complexity I care to deal with at the moment: swallows and maple syrup, gardens and dogs.  Yet I’m inclined to give some thought to how the cigarette I’m about to light is going to damage my lungs; to how the paper bags from the grocery shopping add to pollution; to how legal abortion affects the psych and sensitivity of our society; to how many people are telling you to write your congressmen about everything; to how everyone talks and no one is worth listening to; to how it is that I’ve gotten to be twenty-five.

            I’ve been meaning to write for several weeks.  Since the sun warmed my face one afternoon and the smell and feeling of spring was in the air: all my senses brought me to another spring, another time.  Fleeting memories like a word on the tip of your tongue.  Memories of having friends near.  Memories of sunshine and warmth, of soft, wet earth beneath your feet, a light and happy step . . . Yet somehow it’s not important.  For today the swallows returned to Capistrano.  Today the brown and white dog next door barked and wagged her tail at my coming.  Today I wrote a letter.

*   *   *  *   *

To T.S.

16 March 1977

            Rummaging through desk drawers, attempting to clear the cobwebs in my head.  found a few letters that you wrote me . . . long, long, ago.   I thank you.

            I sit here alone, watching my supply of cigarettes go up in smoke, smoking the butts from the ashtray in anticipation of a nicotine fit at some later hour.  It has been a rough winter: not so much the weather outside, but the constant storms within.  A feeling that the picnic has been ruined.  Like a child who has not yet learned to be patient with the ways of nature.  And now the fog has set in . . . so thick I cannot see where I am going . . .

            Going . . . not sure I really want to go anywhere.  Take your coat off, sit down, stay awhile.  Like being in gear with one foot on the brakes and the other on the accelerator, getting nowhere, exhausted.

            Thoughts spilling out of my brain like the saliva dribbling from the mouth of the village idiot as he sits mumbling to himself.  What to say next – no matter, no one is listening.  

            Wondering what has happened to my memories: hoping they are safe and well and happy.

            Hoping this message doesn’t arrive at your door like an unwelcome visitor.  We cry only when we know there is hope . . . the sun will shine again.   Thanks.

Supreme Court - My Thoughts

What if they made a weekly TV series "Supreme Law" like LA Law or Boston Legal or Night Court. It might make a great TV series but it would probably be better written.

I took the links to the audio and PDF of yesterday's arguments before the court from Russ at Blue Truck Red State and listened in.  Interesting, educational, but at times mundane.

Russ has all the summaries and links a person could ask for regarding the historic Supreme Court cases on Prop 8 and DOMA.  I won't add to that but just my own commentary in "The for what it's worth department".

I would guess that SCOTUS will throw out the Prop 8 case for lack of standing - that is what they were most concerned about.  Those arguing could not seem to get their arguments to be consistent.

Do the proponents of Prop 8 have standing?  Why should they defend the law if the state itself chooses not to?

Is the case just about California or is it broader?  Does it just apply to jurisdictions where same-sex couples already have some of the privileges of marriage and therefore not affect states with no rights for LGBT couples?  It sounded a lot like the lawyers were taking oral exams and prepared answers to all the wrong questions.

Will try to catch the DOMA arguments soon.  My guess is that this will have a better shot at status as it is a much more "federal" issue.

The real question is what kind of can of worms will it open?  With the constitution allowing states to regulate marriage, can the federal government then turn around and say they will not recognize what the states decide?  Will a decision striking down DOMA require states to recognize valid same-sex marriages performed in other states?  If so, will that essentially negate any State constitutional amendments prohibiting same-sex marriage?  And how will that then effect a ruling on Prop 8?

What I think this all reveals is that, although a nice and revolutionary idea at the time, the concept of individual states united under one federal government is inherently flawed, especially now, as travel, industry, technology and all has developed.

There has to be a greater consistency in state laws and regulations.  It is too easy for someone from my state, for example, to avoid paying sales tax on an expensive item just by traveling a couple of hours into New Hampshire where there is no sales tax; or to avoid automobile property tax by registering their car in Vermont using a post office box or a friend's address; or to avoid prosecution for DUI and failure to appear in Massachusetts by not driving through that state; or to avoid certain taxes by locating a business or a yacht in a state like Delaware; etc.

When it comes to marriage laws and same-sex marriage, the issues become so convoluted and inconsistent.  Add the dimensions of relocation, death, divorce, adoption, inheritance, benefits, responsibility for debt and it gets strange.  In Connecticut a spouse is responsible for a deceased spouse's debt - if my same-sex spouse dies and I flee to Oklahoma (I'd be crazy) would I no longer be in debt?  Well I hope the Supremes ask good questions, because I, for one, would like some answers.

UPDATE:
Just got finished listening to the DOMA arguments. Whew!  Gave me a headache!  I guess it's wait and see.

Looking For Serendipity or Water Equality

Yesterday I took Benni for a walk in the doggie park.  It was cold and windy and only one other person and one other dog was there, so we decided to walk together.  Turns out that the woman I was walking with works as fundraiser for a non-profit, so we shared some experiences.  She sent me a link to her organization and I checked it out today.  I am attaching one of their videos.

This non-profit House of the Children/Rainforest Flow helps indigenous people of Southern Peru to secure and maintain environmentally friendly sources of fresh drinking water and sanitation.  The founder of the organization went to Peru several years ago and became involved in the fresh water issue based on what she observed there - mainly that contaminated water was the leading cause of death and disease and that the Peruvian government attempts to address the problem were inadequate and not workable.

What impresses me most is that the organization, House of the Children/Rainforest Flow has a very focused mission and  they are implementing their mission the right way.  They are a purely non-sectarian organization with solid scientific methods.  By that I mean they are not there to preach, to change the native culture, or to dole out charity; their very professional, dedicated experts in the field are providing know-how and hands on work to assist the people of the rain forest in building sustainable and environmentally integrated water filtration and sanitation systems.

Their challenge is fundraising.  Who wants to fund an organization trying to bring drinking water to some remote villages in Peru?  What's in it for them?  We have plenty of worthy charities here in the States.

But I liked what I saw on their web site and so I'm sharing it here.

I check out my traffic feed, so I know people from all over the world land here on purpose or by accident.  Perhaps someone knows someone who knows someone who can help.... so here's to serendipity.

I Said It Before, I'll Say It Again

For What It's Worth Department:

I posted this comment (pending moderation) on the blog IZZOIZ after another rather boorish post about the Catholic Church and Cardinal Bergoglio/Francis I, criticizing his supposed support of LGBT Civil Unions in Argentina when faced with the likely passage of same-gender marriage there.

So, I guess it's OK for Barack Obama and the Clintons to evolve in their views about same-gender marriage, but not so much for someone "Catholic" like Bergoglio.  Your coverage of anything Catholic seems like just another opportunity for you to express hatred rather than give any in-depth information.

Look, I have been a vocal critic of the Catholic Church, especially while it was under the influence of Ratzinger (read my blog).  But I think there is a way to present a story or to editorialize, that is honest, even brutally honest, but still maintains some semblance of intellectual maturity. 

Compare your headline with that of the Advocate.com - yours is clearly biased as is your snide editorial comment.

Like I said, we all know there is much to criticize about the Catholic Church, but just making the same old pernicious comments over and over does not add anything intellectual to the discussion.

I, and maybe other readers, would be more inclined to take you seriously if your hatred didn't come across as your main point.  It goes well beyond righteous indignation or anger; by painting with a broad brush of name-calling your blog entries on the subject are often both offensive and entirely laughable.

Grow up.

As there are plenty of blogs out there that are reporting on LGBT news, I am removing IZZOIZ from my reading list;  I am considering doing the same for another blog, however that blog is better written and more insightful, except when it come to "Catholic" issues, so I will put that decision on hold.

The Case of Bernard Baran

I remember reading about Bernard Baran years ago.  He was wrongly accused of molestation while working as a teacher's aide back in the '80s mainly because parents learned that he was gay and stories were fabricated to "get" him.  He spent 21 years in prison.

Juxtapose this case against that of the man claiming "homosexual panic" and self-defense in the alleged murder of  Marco McMillian, a mayoral candidate in Clarksdale, Mississippi, a state without a hate crimes law.  This guy may actually get no jail time if the jury is sympathetic to his alleged victimization (he claims McMillian was coming on to him sexually) by a gay man.

In both cases the gay man is assumed guilty of a crime.  The more things change, the more things stay the same.

Encouraging Signs of Change

A Very Different View of the Vatican

I have been reading some of the Catholic blogs and it seems that the ultra-conservative faction of the Catholic Church is frantically praying and carrying on as if the Church has been handed over to the devil himself.  I can only take this as a good sign.  And I think a lot of ultra conservative Catholics and politicians alike are going to be in for a rude awakening.  I want to ask, "How does it feel?"

And I think that the election of Francis by the college of Cardinals says a few things that I haven't heard a lot of discussion about.

I think that the majority of Cardinals, including Jorge Maria Bergoglio, before he became Pope, were towing the party line - and by that I mean the party line as defined by Joseph Ratzinger under JPII and as Benedict - and they did not necessarily agree with what the Party was preaching.  These men, unwilling to rock the boat for fear of being thrown overboard, did not always say aloud what they thought in private.  Now this Francis is shaking things up.  I could see him having tea, some time soon, with the Dalai Lama.

And, perhaps most significant, was Pope Francis' statement to the press corp who had assembled for an audience/press conference.  "I told you I wholeheartedly imparted my blessing. Many of you don't belong to the Catholic Church, others are not believers. From my heart I impart this blessing, in silence, to each of you, respecting the conscience of each one, but knowing that each of you is a child of God: May God bless you." 

I am going out on a limb of hope here: The phrase "respecting the conscience of each one" will hopefully prove to be significant.

The National Catholic Reporter has a good article about the power of symbols in Catholic culture.  And this new Pope has been using symbolic gestures since the moment he was elected.  Most importantly, the symbols he's using are pastoral rather than regal, inclusive rather than exclusive, communal rather than hierarchical.

There was even a report (in Gay Mystic by RJ Cameron) that, according to Leonardo Boff, a Liberation Theologian,  as Archbishop he, (Bergoglio), approved an adoption of a child by a gay couple in Argentina.  (unconfirmed so far) Cameron says:

Boff also says that, even though in many aspects - as those referring to contraceptives, celibacy, and homosexuality - Bergoglio followed a conservative line, as a cardinal, that was due solely to pressure from the Vatican, and maintains that there are elements that indicate that the new pope is much more liberal than that.

I have said, "wait and see".  I'm thinking now that the wait may not be that long.

Oh, but they offed John Paul I only 33 days after he became Pope in 1978.  I hope someone has Pope Francis' back.

And let's not forget Benedict is still lurking in the wings.  What if Benny has second thoughts once Francis starts undoing all of his nazi nasty little rules and regulations.  And then there will be a battle of the Popes.

That is way too Armageddon to even think about.

A Few Words on Pope Francisco and the Bloggers

Church of St Francis, Assisi, Italy

Many of the gay blogs are all aflutter - most finding and re-blogging all the negative stuff about the new Pope Francisco.  How he is a gay hater and fought against marriage equality in Argentina, etc. etc.  Like they are shocked or surprised or disappointed or, more truthfully, enjoying the opportunity to bask in their self-righteous condemnations.

Yeah, Jorge has a history.  And, based on that history, he is not likely to become a friend to the LGBT communities of the US or Argentina or Europe or anywhere else, anytime soon.

But he also has a history of service to the poorest of the poor and a prayerful humility that is fertile ground for seeds of change.  Perhaps those seeds will sprout and grow this time around.

While I question Pope Francis' sexual and theological orthodoxy, I recognize that Jorge Mario Bergoglio is a very different sort of man than was Joseph Ratzinger.  And that Pope Francisco will be a very different Pope than Benedict.

Today, a little over a day since this Pope was elected, I think it is premature to assume that the man in the white cassock is going to act exactly like the man who wore the red one on Tuesday.

While I am not optimistic about any forward movement of the Catholic Church in its stance toward gay, Lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons, neither am I entirely pessimistic about the new Pope.

My gut feeling says, wait.