Sunday, August 1, 2010

Car Club Widow

Leon has been at a Lambda Car Club Invitational event in Detroit this past week.  He drove out in the Ford Pickup with a friend and I've been home with the puppy.
It frightens me how I've missed him.  I've felt lost and lonely - reverting back to those feelings that were so familiar when I was single, when I would both want contact with others and not want to be with anyone.  With Leon, I don't need anyone else to feel complete, safe, content.  With Leon, socializing with others is actually more enjoyable.  With Leon, just about everything is more enjoyable.   

I am not a very social or socially-comfortable person, so I tend to avoid social contact even while feeling lonely.  There have been periods when I've made the effort to be more social - when I first came out and got involved with a slew of gay organizations, or when my job required it - but I easily revert to being an introvert (INFP). Leon is much more outgoing and social so with him, I get thrust into social situations, sometimes against my will, and can pass as "comfortable".   When I reach my sociability threshold I can lay back and Leon easily takes up the slack.  Then we go home.

So, this week I was adrift.  I lacked the motivation to blog, to do yard work, to do projects around the house.  Thankfully I had some grant work to do and I did go hiking with the dog and to the beach one day and I mowed the lawn.  Got together last evening with the other Car Club Widow and had Chinese. 

So Leon and friend are on their way home now and may do an overnight to break up the long drive - or may drive straight through.  I'm looking forward to his coming home, whether late tonight or sometime tomorrow.  He's had a good time, but he's been gone too long.  

4 comments:

Russ Manley said...

Oh you lucky lucky bastard.

Bless you buddy.

FDeF said...

Thank you Russ, and I am grateful everyday for being blessed with such a good man.

Jeepguy said...

I know what you mean, Frank. On the M-B, I came out as INTP, so we are similar in many respects.

Stan said...

Your a lucky man.

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