Friday, June 6, 2008

Gracefully?

I'm not sure that I'm handling 60 as well as I had hoped. Forty was a piece of cake. Fifty was defiant. Sixty is numbing. I find myself becoming too existential without the luxury of having youth as an antidote. Having a great desire to retire but having little means to do so. My definition of retirement is not just "not having to work" as I don't mind working, really. Retirement to me means being in a position to derive enjoyment from day to day activities without the anxiety of having to prepare for retirement. It would be ideal to be able to chose an interesting job that may not offer health insurance, for example, or did not require commuting, or that had flex hours.

My angst is also due to the realization that, at sixty, I may have only one more chance at it. "It" being a dream, a wish-upon-a-star, a summer at the beach, a trip on a sail boat, a villa in Italy, a book, or the discovery of what I want to be when I grow up.

It is all a myth. This is "it". My existential axiom is not "Cogito, ergo sum", it is "Sum, ergo moriro" (can anyone please supply the correct Latin for that phrase). Anyhow, at 60 "Just for Men" is just not strong enough a potion.

1 comment:

Tapassī Sakyaputta said...

Don't worry i found it difficult when i became 20 as i had identified myself as a teenager, i feel myself getting old also as i am now losing my hair at the age of 20. If turning 20 is not easy i wonder what turning 60 will be like for me? For me i guess turning 20 was like growing out of something even if that was painful,a new identity to get used to however i guess ill have to change that also once i reach 30! In what ever groups i have been involed whith it is very rare that there is someone who is younger then me.

It seems that as time goes on we lose some of our energy but at the same time i think that we also learn a lot of things and become wiser. It's like losing one thing and gaining another, something else to identify with!

Wishing you all the best for your sixties.

Tapassi

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